Day 3

72 hours.  I think the reason that it hasn't sunk in yet that I"m really leaving for good is that I am still in my routine.  Still wake up, internet routine, workout, lunch, more internet, movies, eat, go home, guitar, sleep.  Even with 3 days left it hasn't changed.

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I think it's going to be really good for my body to get away from the computer for awhile.  This place has been hell on my eyes, wrists, and fingers.

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Astros lose.  A good Chris Sampson outing spoiled.  As expected, Burke demoted.  Bummer.

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Ok, what follows are my scattered unorganized thoughts on Star Wars.  If you think I am at all cool, please stop reading.  Because after you read this, you'll know what a complete and utter tool I am.

For starters, here is how I would rank each episode in order:

1. Return of the Jedi

2a. Star Wars

2b. Revenge of the Sith

2c. Empire Strikes Back

5. The Phantom Menace

6. Attack of the Clones

Now the scattered thoughts (fyi OT= Old Trilogy, Episodes 4-6; NT = New Trilogy, Episodes 1-3):

• The biggest plot hole created by the NT is that Vader doesn't know Leia is his daughter. WTF.  If he can sense Luke 1/2 across the galaxy to Hoth, he can sense Leia when she's right in front of his face.  Horrible gaping hole.
• ROTJ has 2 of the best bit characters in the history of film.  Salacious Crumb and Lando's fishhead Millenium Falcon Co-Pilot are f'n HILARIOUS.  I love 'em.
• ROTJ, ANH, and ROTS are pretty much flawless IMO.  There is very little I would change about them. 
• Lucas fucked Yoda up with the new movies.  Yoda in Empire is complete awesome.  I can see wanting to show off his saber skills, but c'mon.  At least keep his sense of humor.
• I loved Episode 3, but 1 and especially 2, now that I have seen them each several times, leave a lot to be desired.  The visuals and saberfights make them both well worth watching, but the storyline, character development, and acting leave a lot to be desired.  IMO, Natalie Portman was the only character to turn in a good performance in 1 & 2.
• My favorite main character of the saga is Han Solo.  He invented cool.
• But my favorite main character in a single episode is Luke from ROTJ.  He is completely fucking brutal.  ROTJ was well acted all the way around.
• There is nothing sweeter than Luke Skywalker's hairdo in A New Hope.  Anyone who says otherwise is lying.
• I still can't see why everyone thinks Empire is the best of the bunch.  Horrible lightsaber duels, and Hamill choffed the "I am your father" scene imo.
• The lightsaber fight in Episode 1 between Qui Gonn, Obi and Maul fucking rocks.  And it only gets better when it's just Obi Wan and Maul.
• Lucas killed Darth Maul too quickly.  He should have been the main villain for both 1 & 2 until the Emporer took over in 3.  Dooku should have never existed.
• Why is Kenobi so young in the NT?  In the OT he's at least 60.  He should have been Neeson's age in the NT.
• On that note, the storyline of 1 & 2 sucked.  The parallel for Anakin Skywalker is Jesus Christ.  Anakin should have been much more of a badass.  I agree with making his weakness a girl, but he should have been more brutal.  IMO episode one should have started where episode 2 started, with Anakin as a teen serving as middle-aged Kenobi's apprentice.  Anakin is a complete badass, and kicks everybody's ass and then falls for some Princess.  Episode 3 pretty much went the way it should have.
• I love Ewoks.
• The biggest thing missing from the NT is a Han Solo character.  You gotta have the rebel.
• Watto is by far my favorite bit character from the NT.
• Sam Jackson was underutilized.
• Of course there's always the "balance of power" debate.  But imo, any good story involving super powers is going to inevitably have this problem.
• I'm glad GL left the jump to lightspeed for only the old movies.  It still looks cool.
• I'm also glad he cleaned up the old movies for the latest DVD release; they look really sharp, and you can barely tell they were made 20 years prior to the NT.
• On that note, adding the scene where Han steps on Jabba's tail in ANH was a very stupid idea.
• 3PO sucks in the NT.  For some reason he's just not as funny as in the OT.
• A lot of the parallels he uses between the 2 trilogies backfired, but a lot of them worked. 
• The Qui-Gonn/Kenobi parallel failed because for some reason we don't identify as much with Qui-Gonn in Phantom as we do Kenobi in A New HOpe.
• Why does Leia remember her mother and Luke doesn't?
• Leia in leather bikini in ROTJ kicks the everloving shit out of Padme-midriff of AOTC.
• Attack of the Clones sucked.  Other than the lightsaber duels, it was horrible.  The love story was rushed and unbelievable, there were too many story lines, Anakin was mostly a little bitch, and most of the action scenes were way too busy.  And wtf with that "3PO on acid" scene?  You know, the one where he is like tripping out in the droid factory.  It comes completely out of left field, and it's completely stupid.  Not to mention it shows 3PO move in ways he should never be able to.
• R2 was the only character to appear in both trilogies who didn't get tainted.
• John Williams is a fucking genius.
• For how popular Boba Fett was, he sure went out like a punk.
• I think GL nailed it with Episode 3.  I think it was very well done.
• There shouldn't be anymore Star Wars movies, but there will be.  There is simply too much money to be made there.  It'd be like striking oil, and only pumping out 1/2 the well.
• I like the added scenes to ROTJ showing the galaxy celebrating Palpatine's death.  It really closes the book well.
• The scene in AOTC where Anakin gets pissed and goes and finds his mother and brutalizes the Tuskens was good.  That's how brutal Anakin should have been for all 3 movies.
• I like Ewan McGregor, but he douched Kenobi in 1 & 2.  He did pretty good in 3.
• Characters like Jar Jar, Dexter, Sebulba, and the like should have been puppets.
• I could go on forever about Star Wars, so I'll just stop here.

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Comments

[kineyb]

Who's John Williams?

[llogg]

I would move episode 4 to the top, but otherwise your ranking is pretty money.

As for the plot hole, maybe twins have identical signatures in the force. Okay, that's weak. You're right, somebody blew it in editing the script.

ROTJ was a little too cutesy with the Ewoks. In retrospect it certainly seems more self-conscious of licensing prospects than the first two.

Yeah, in episode 2 when Yoda is flipping all over the place it looks like a move from the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Nintendo game. In other words, weak.

Yeah, killing Darth Maul was foolish. But that fight scene was kick ass.

My biggest problem with the new trilogy is exactly what you stated. They should have started with Anakin as a teenager, already using the force by sheer instinct because he's just that badass. Starting with him as an annoying 9 year old kid was stupid. Especially since Padme had to be at least 18 or 20 in episode 1. Stranger things have happened than guys landing hot chics a decade older than them, but most of the time they're not insipid little wankers as Anakin was portrayed.

There were far too many attempts to weave details from the original trilogy into the new one. C3PO and R2 have no place in the new trilogy. It's ridiculous. Especially considering they didn't make the effort to spin Han Solo into the continuity. Poorly done. Not as poorly as the whole midichlorian debacle but still.

Characters like Jar Jar, Dexter, Sebulba, and the like should NEVER have been.

[llogg]

And KB, he's the composer of the Star Wars soundtracks.

[Snake Diggity]

llogg: agree with everything but I think Jar Jar and Sebulba filled roles that made sense, they just didn't do a good job with them. Jar Jar was meant to be what Chewie and moreso Yoda were in the OT; he was nowhere close.

[Will]

you love ewoks? huh? and pick me up a bootleg star wars dvd seplogy at the haji market on your way outta the big I

[ambs]

hmmm. that's a lot of geek talk. ha ha!! :-)

i love ray l though, so i'll give a thumbs up for that part of this post.

[Ojo Rojo]

Damn. Where do I even start?

My ranking:
1. Empire
2. Jedi
3. Star Wars
4. ROTS
5. Phantom Menace
6. Clones

The top three might change depending on what day you ask me. I don't know how much nostalgia factors into the rankings. Judging movies is too subjective to begin with and there are too many different criteria to say exactly how movies should be judged. I think the separation for me b/w the first three movies made versus the recent ones is CG vs. models and puppets. The models and puppets just look more realistic to me. The only area where I liked the CG as much was the spacefighter scenes. Overall though, they overdid it with the CG - too much going on. The could have kept it simple. One of my favorite scenes was from AOTS where Jango is chasing Kenobi through the asteroids - those blue trailed missiles were awesome. The sonic bombs that broke up the asteroids were badass too.

The debate will rage on forever over what Lucas did wrong with the latest movies but I think the two biggest were overuse of CG and horrible writing of both dialogue and plot development.

From the opening scene of Episode One I'm thinking, "Are they fucking serious?" Trade Federation? Blockade of the planet Naboo? Fake Chinese accents? I could go on and on and on with the disappointing flaws but here are a few that come immediately to mind:

-C3P0 and R2D2 had no business in any of the first 3 episodes.
-Casting of Anakin fucking horrible. Hayden Christensen was a fucking crybaby whiner, not the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy.
-Casting in general. Samuel L. Jackson had NO business in these movies. If the word "motherfucker" isn't in the script, he has no reason to be cast. None of the other movies had huge stars in them; that was part of the allure.
-Midichlorians. The Force isn't quantifiable like that. Idiots.
-Jar Jar. Fake ebonics accent? Idiots. At least they had the good sense to write him out of the sequels and even managed to make him out to be the fool/villain who allowed Palpatine to become emperor.
-The whole story of 1 & 2 is dumb. I get that Palpatine/Sidious is pulling all the strings. But that was too subtle. Palpatine should have been less a politician and more of a murderous manipulator. He doesn't need to dupe the representatives of systems into going along with his political agenda. He can crush their fucking throats from across the room with his mind!
-Sith was the best of the three by far. But it was almost impossible to fuck that up. Everyone wanted to see Vader created. But he almost did fuck it up with that Frankenstein shit. Once Anakin turned into Vader he should have had no remorse, no conscience, no love. THAT'S what should have killed Padme's spirit because Anakin was gone forever, destroyed by Sidious and replaced with pure hatred and evil.
-I hadn't considered it before, but starting the movies off with Anakin as a troubled and confused adolescent of 13-16 would have been better. It would have cured a lot of the age inconsistencies in the plot as well.

Like I said, I could go on and on. There were some good things about the 3 most recent movies and some bad things about the Episodes 4-6. Maybe nostalgia erases those things. In my mind, Lucas go old and soft and rich and his last three Star Wars incarnations show it. The guy who made the original 3 movies was imaginative and hungry. That's the difference in a nutshell.

[Will]

you guys are idiots! the phantom menace is by far the best of the franchise. the race scene was the best! and jar jar? the midiclorian debate is a metaphor for technological advancement i.e. CGI. you guys are IDIOTS