Snake Dogg Blogg

Day 1

So here we are.  The end.  The start of something else.

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My state of mind is certainly different from when I came over here.  I can’t put my finger on exactly how I’ve changed, but I know I’m not the same person who left houston two Octobers ago.  I hope that I’m a better person.  I hope that I’m at minimum more appreciative of all the good things in my life: the people, the places, the opportunities. 

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Now that I think about it, maybe that is the biggest positive difference; hope.  Coming over here was a move made in desperation, a move made in hopelessness.  But I got what I came for, and now I have hope that things can go well for me from here on out; in fact, I have hope that things will be great, that I can be great.

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Anyway, enough of that crap.

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This blog has been an integral part of keeping me connected to people and the goings-on back home.  I want to thank all of you who have read and commented; many times, interaction on this blog was the highlight of my day.  I hope that you all got something out of this as well, even if it was just a way to make the workday pass more quickly.

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I won’t rule out blogging again in the future, but I do know it’s going to at least be a long while, and it probably won’t be at this location.  So, this is very likely the end of Snake Dogg Blogg.

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I look forward to good times with many of you in the near future.  If you’d like to hang out, or keep in touch, or whatever, you can get a hold of me at if you want to.  I wish you all the best.

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Thank you. Goodbye.

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Day 2

Today was my last workout ever.  I'm going to take a few hours here in a bit and take a car and drive around taking pics of the base.  Tomorrow is my last day in Iraq.  Still hasn't even close to sunk in yet.  Probably won't until I've been home for awhile.

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There's a lot of anxiety about what waits on the other side of this thing, but I still am confident that I'm making the right move.  This experience is played out for me.  And at some point you gotta say "I've made enough money and travelled to enough places."

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I got in a fight with my mom last night.  It was over something stupid, but she was in the wrong.  It happens all the time, and she's no worse than anybody else's mom, but it sucks that it had to happen the day before Mother's Day.  Old people are just so fucking obstinant.

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Astros win!  Roy O!  Homers all around!

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No sign of LJW last night.  Maybe he knows I'm leaving and headed off to greener pastures.  God speed, Little Jerry, God speed.

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I was trying to figure out what song to post for the final SDB post ever, and so many songs came to mind I figured it'd make a good list for a post.  So here are all the songs I like that I am considering posting to end the blog:

Souvenirs	John Prine
Closing Time	Semisonic
Paint It Black	Rolling Stones
Like A Rolling Stone	Bob Dylan
Life	Our Lady Peace
The End	The Doors
Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta	Ghetto Boys
These Are Days	10,000 Maniacs
On The Road Again	Willie Nelson
Back In Black	AC/DC
Full Circle	Aerosmith
The Weight	The Band
If I Had A Million Dollars	Barenaked Ladies
Walk Away	Ben Harper
Good	Better Than Ezra
Misunderstood	Better Than Ezra
No Rain	Blind Melon
Song 2	Blur
Samba Pa Ti	Santana
The Scientist	Coldplay
Mr. Jones	Counting Crows
A Long December	Counting Crows
Walkaways	Counting Crows
Holiday In Spain	Counting Crows
Fortunate Son	Creedence
Lookin' Out My Back Door	Creedence
Bad Day	Daniel Powter*
Leavin Town	Dexter Freebish
American Pie	Don McLean
Take It Easy	The Eagles
Rocket Man	Elton John
At Last	Etta James
Nobody Knows You When You're Down And Out	Eric Clapton
Santa Monica	Everclear
All I Want to do is Thank You	Geggy Tah
When We Meet Again	G-Love
Gin And Juice	The Gourds
Do You Remember	Jack Johnson
Bye Bye Baby	Janis Joplin
Mercedes Benz	Janis Joplin
Ramble On	Led Zeppelin
Going To California	Led Zeppelin
Free Bird	Lynyrd Skynyrd
I'm Just A Singer	Moody Blues
Hurt	Nine Inch Nails
Don't Look Back In Anger	Oasis
Streets of Where I'm From	Old 97's
Homeward Bound	Simon and Garfunkel
Alive	Pearl Jam
Here Comes Your Man	Pixies
Something To Believe In	Poison
End Of The World	R.E.M.
High and Dry	Radiohead
Under The Bridge	Chili Peppers
Feeling Good Again	Robert Earl Keen
Hope You're Feeling Better	Santana
Circles	Soul Coughing
In The Meantime	Spacehog
What I Got	Sublime
I Come From The Water	Toadies
Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For	U2
Bittersweet Symphony	The Verve
Beverly Hills	Weezer
The Good Life	Weezer
Whiskey River	Willie Nelson
Tush	ZZ Top
I'm Bad Nationwide	ZZ Top
La Grange	ZZ Top

Suggestions, ommissions, comments?

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Day 3

72 hours.  I think the reason that it hasn't sunk in yet that I"m really leaving for good is that I am still in my routine.  Still wake up, internet routine, workout, lunch, more internet, movies, eat, go home, guitar, sleep.  Even with 3 days left it hasn't changed.

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I think it's going to be really good for my body to get away from the computer for awhile.  This place has been hell on my eyes, wrists, and fingers.

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Astros lose.  A good Chris Sampson outing spoiled.  As expected, Burke demoted.  Bummer.

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Ok, what follows are my scattered unorganized thoughts on Star Wars.  If you think I am at all cool, please stop reading.  Because after you read this, you'll know what a complete and utter tool I am.

For starters, here is how I would rank each episode in order:

1. Return of the Jedi

2a. Star Wars

2b. Revenge of the Sith

2c. Empire Strikes Back

5. The Phantom Menace

6. Attack of the Clones

Now the scattered thoughts (fyi OT= Old Trilogy, Episodes 4-6; NT = New Trilogy, Episodes 1-3):

• The biggest plot hole created by the NT is that Vader doesn't know Leia is his daughter. WTF.  If he can sense Luke 1/2 across the galaxy to Hoth, he can sense Leia when she's right in front of his face.  Horrible gaping hole.
• ROTJ has 2 of the best bit characters in the history of film.  Salacious Crumb and Lando's fishhead Millenium Falcon Co-Pilot are f'n HILARIOUS.  I love 'em.
• ROTJ, ANH, and ROTS are pretty much flawless IMO.  There is very little I would change about them. 
• Lucas fucked Yoda up with the new movies.  Yoda in Empire is complete awesome.  I can see wanting to show off his saber skills, but c'mon.  At least keep his sense of humor.
• I loved Episode 3, but 1 and especially 2, now that I have seen them each several times, leave a lot to be desired.  The visuals and saberfights make them both well worth watching, but the storyline, character development, and acting leave a lot to be desired.  IMO, Natalie Portman was the only character to turn in a good performance in 1 & 2.
• My favorite main character of the saga is Han Solo.  He invented cool.
• But my favorite main character in a single episode is Luke from ROTJ.  He is completely fucking brutal.  ROTJ was well acted all the way around.
• There is nothing sweeter than Luke Skywalker's hairdo in A New Hope.  Anyone who says otherwise is lying.
• I still can't see why everyone thinks Empire is the best of the bunch.  Horrible lightsaber duels, and Hamill choffed the "I am your father" scene imo.
• The lightsaber fight in Episode 1 between Qui Gonn, Obi and Maul fucking rocks.  And it only gets better when it's just Obi Wan and Maul.
• Lucas killed Darth Maul too quickly.  He should have been the main villain for both 1 & 2 until the Emporer took over in 3.  Dooku should have never existed.
• Why is Kenobi so young in the NT?  In the OT he's at least 60.  He should have been Neeson's age in the NT.
• On that note, the storyline of 1 & 2 sucked.  The parallel for Anakin Skywalker is Jesus Christ.  Anakin should have been much more of a badass.  I agree with making his weakness a girl, but he should have been more brutal.  IMO episode one should have started where episode 2 started, with Anakin as a teen serving as middle-aged Kenobi's apprentice.  Anakin is a complete badass, and kicks everybody's ass and then falls for some Princess.  Episode 3 pretty much went the way it should have.
• I love Ewoks.
• The biggest thing missing from the NT is a Han Solo character.  You gotta have the rebel.
• Watto is by far my favorite bit character from the NT.
• Sam Jackson was underutilized.
• Of course there's always the "balance of power" debate.  But imo, any good story involving super powers is going to inevitably have this problem.
• I'm glad GL left the jump to lightspeed for only the old movies.  It still looks cool.
• I'm also glad he cleaned up the old movies for the latest DVD release; they look really sharp, and you can barely tell they were made 20 years prior to the NT.
• On that note, adding the scene where Han steps on Jabba's tail in ANH was a very stupid idea.
• 3PO sucks in the NT.  For some reason he's just not as funny as in the OT.
• A lot of the parallels he uses between the 2 trilogies backfired, but a lot of them worked. 
• The Qui-Gonn/Kenobi parallel failed because for some reason we don't identify as much with Qui-Gonn in Phantom as we do Kenobi in A New HOpe.
• Why does Leia remember her mother and Luke doesn't?
• Leia in leather bikini in ROTJ kicks the everloving shit out of Padme-midriff of AOTC.
• Attack of the Clones sucked.  Other than the lightsaber duels, it was horrible.  The love story was rushed and unbelievable, there were too many story lines, Anakin was mostly a little bitch, and most of the action scenes were way too busy.  And wtf with that "3PO on acid" scene?  You know, the one where he is like tripping out in the droid factory.  It comes completely out of left field, and it's completely stupid.  Not to mention it shows 3PO move in ways he should never be able to.
• R2 was the only character to appear in both trilogies who didn't get tainted.
• John Williams is a fucking genius.
• For how popular Boba Fett was, he sure went out like a punk.
• I think GL nailed it with Episode 3.  I think it was very well done.
• There shouldn't be anymore Star Wars movies, but there will be.  There is simply too much money to be made there.  It'd be like striking oil, and only pumping out 1/2 the well.
• I like the added scenes to ROTJ showing the galaxy celebrating Palpatine's death.  It really closes the book well.
• The scene in AOTC where Anakin gets pissed and goes and finds his mother and brutalizes the Tuskens was good.  That's how brutal Anakin should have been for all 3 movies.
• I like Ewan McGregor, but he douched Kenobi in 1 & 2.  He did pretty good in 3.
• Characters like Jar Jar, Dexter, Sebulba, and the like should have been puppets.
• I could go on forever about Star Wars, so I'll just stop here.

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Day 4

Wow.  This shit is getting real.  In 95 hours, I'll be out of Iraq forever.  Dang.

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My going away was last night, and it was kind of weird.  These things have a pretty routine schedule.  First, the person who's leaving's boss gets up and says some good things, then people around the room stand up and either say something good or roast the person.  Then, the Project Manager presents them with a certificate, followed by the person giving a speech.  Then everybody eats, takes pics, and hugs the person leaving.

Well, my boss got up and started it off about how I am a nice guy, soft heart, go-to person, etc., etc., etc.  Then, she was like, ok now we'll open it up to whoever has something to say.

This guy Robert stands up and starts off "Well, when Jake first got here, he had a girlfriend and a dog..." Oh shit, I thought, this can NOT be good.  I piped up with "Robert, tread lightly my friend."  But, no worky.  He proceeds to tell a story about how horrible my relationship was when I got here and how I was screaming at Maddie in front of my entire office every night, calling her every name in the book, about my dog and a bunch of other personal shit.  There wasn't even a punch line.  The crickets were unbearable.  I'd like to say that the "roasting" got a lot better after that, but I'd be lying.  The next three people who stood up all said pretty much the same thing, which would be "Basically, Jake is the most negative person I know, but he's funny as hell."  My boss's boss, who doesn't really know me, came up to me afterward and was like "Son, maybe it's a good thing you're going home."

That's not to say it was all bad.  In order to stop the agony, I got up and roasted myself, telling the story of how I donned my entire Nuclear Biological and Chemical suit WITH gas mask, filters, duct taped banana suit, the whole deal, on my 3rd night here when they ran a test of the alarm system.  It killed.

And several people did get up and say that I always brightened their day, was one of the sharpest minds on camp, and was very capable and helpful.  I thought one person in particular summed me up pretty good:

"Jake is the only person I know who can brighten someone's day by being completely negative.  He is always a good laugh.  He is the type of person who you know does NOT want to work, but if you ask him to do something, anything, he will get it done, and done right.  He has a low tolerance for stupidity and laziness, but as soft a heart as I've ever seen.  I'd take a team of all Jakes any day and twice on Sunday."  I took all that as a compliment, backhanded or not.

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Astros lose.  Albers, you can't give up that many runs dude.  We won't win if you do that.

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I've already got my post topics for the last 3 days of SDB:

Tomorrow: Star Wars: A Gigantic Dork's Thoughts

Sunday: Music about endings and beginnings

Monday: Farewell

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I"m wondering if I should shoo LJW before I leave.  I'm afraid if he stays after I'm gone, they'll spray for bugs and he'll get killed.  Although he probably doesn't have much time left anyway.  He's at least 3 weeks old.

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I've heard Van Morrison is a raging prick.  I like his music.

Day 5

Remaining Time
0.16	Months
0.69	Weeks
4.82	Days
115.59	Hours
6,935.30	Minutes
416,118.2	Seconds

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Astros win! Woody Williams finally gets a W.  Lidge gets a hold.  Wheeler gets a save.  Complete awesome.

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My going away party is tonight.  While I may miss some of these people over here, I'm certainly not overly emotional about leaving them behind.  Every person who leaves always gives a speech at the end of their going away.  I'm not going to do that.  This is what I plan to say: "Thank you for all the positive things you have added to my experience here.  Please stay safe, and all the best to you."

Hey, it's better than "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out."

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Looks like UT may be recruiting Joseph Ibiloye again.  Smart move.  I'd rather take an instate 4* type player who would otherwise go to OU than an OOS 5* who would otherwise go to USC.

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I bought my ACL Fest ticket today.  While the lineup has some flava, it's still not as good imo as the Coldplay/Black Crowes/Oasis lineup.  But you can't go wrong with Bob Dylan, The White Stripes, and Wilco.  $150 is pretty hardcore, but F it, shit like that is one small reason I came to Iraq, so I don't have to sweat 150 bones to go to a great concert.

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Expect an inordinantly long Star Wars post either tomorrow or the next day.

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Day 6

This day has fucking sucked.  Everything is annoying me.  It's one of those days where you feel like using the word "cunt" a lot.  Other than the Astros winning last night, nothing good has happened today.

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Astros win!  Brad Lidge has now earned "respectable middle reliever" status.

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The newest episode of Heroes was kind of weak.  Didn't move the story along enough.  The ending was kind of cool.

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The newest episode of Entourage has been weak so far too (I'm only 2/3 through it).  No hotties, and I can't believe they're already getting Ari and Vince back together so soon.  Ghey.

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My Star Wars marathon has gone much slower than anticipated.  Watching 3 feature length films in one day is a lot harder to pull off than you'd think.  After one day I'm only 2/3 through Attack of the Clones.

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Day 7

One week to go.  This is my last Tuesday in Iraq ever.  Coool.

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kb, billy, and tom all suggested I post about Roger Clemens.  Here are my thoughts:

I don't begrudge the guy for wanting all that money for 1/2 a season.  I do begrudge him dragging out the process and savoring the attention.  He should have signed for a team in the offseason instead of serving as a distraction for 1/2 the year.  I wish he would have signed with the 'stros.  I don't know why he thinks the Yankees have a better chance of winning it all than the Astros.  All that said, the guy is a proud Texan and a Longhorn legend, so I could never stay mad at him.  I still love him, just don't like him very much right now.  I felt like his loyalty to his hometown and home state should have trumped his desire for money and another ring.

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Ojo suggested a post about the NBA.  Since the Raptors are out of it, I just don't care abut the NBA anymore this year.  All I can say is that the playoffs are proving that defense is what wins. 

Ojo also suggested a "First Week Home" post.  This is what my first week back in the states is gonna look like:

1. Th 5-31- Fly in, Parents pick me up at the Austin airport at 9pm.  Go have dinner and maybe a few beers with Robo and Pops (and possibly whatever Austin friends want to meet up), crash at the hotel w/mom and dad.
2. Fr 6-1 - Drive up to Dallas for llogg's med school graduation.  I don't really know what we have planned but I assume we'll be hanging out with my neice a bunch which I'm looking forward to.
3. Sa 6-2 - llogg's med school graduation.
4. Su 6-3 - Say goodbye to llogg, M*, and Phenie.  Drive back to Victoria with the folks.  I guess I'll probably have to go to church.
5. M 6-4 - Sleep late.  Get up, look on internet for Jeeps, read the paper, eat breakfast.  Shoot baskets in my parents' driveway.  Borrow mom's car and drive into town to get some lunch.  Visit my grandparents.  Call townie friends/relatives to see if anyone wants to get beers.  If so, go to bar; if not, go home and watch sports and drink beer with Dad.
6. T 6-5 - See previous day.
7. W 6-6 - See previous 2 days.  Set up Jeep viewings and test drives.
8. Th 6-7 - Wake up early, get compiled list of Jeeps, go to Austin, Houston, and/or San Antonio and look at and drive Jeeps.  Hopefully find a Jeep and be able to hang out in H-town or Austin and party.

That's pretty much my first week.

Ojo also suggested "Estimated amount of consumables b/w June and August 2007".  I don't know what this is really getting at, but I'll assume he was hinting at a list like this one:

Predicted June, July, and August for Snakeyboy, by the #s:

• Beers drank: 527
• Shots taken: 21
• Scotch and sodas: 14
• Days fishing: 13
• Boxes munched: 3
• Chic-Fil-A sandwiches: 18
• Dollars Spent: $34,640 (including Jeep and home down payment)
• Average hours slept per night: 9.3
• Drunken mistakes: 17
• Fast food hamburgers: 20
• Enchiladas: 18
• Homes bought: 1
• Hangovers: 38

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llogg asked about estimated masturbation reduction upon return home.  Hmmm.  Well, factoring in that I'll be living with my parents for two months, and factoring in that I don't have a girlfriend waiting for me, I can't really say.  I mean, it'll be definitely reduced (I couldn't beat off more than I do now if I wanted to), but I don't know how much.  I'm going to aim high and say a 38% reduction in average daily self-induced orgasms will result from leaving Iraq.

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Ally got deep and asked several personal-ad/interview type questions.  Here goes:

Do you have any thoughts about what you'd like to do professionally when you return to the US?

I'm still debating on what to do, but it's long been narrowed down to 3 careers: 1.) get a master's degree in education and teach high school, 2.)be an actor or musician, or 3.) start a business.  If I had to guess, I'd say I'll end up doing some combination of 1 or more of those over the next 2-3 years.

Which political party do you most identify with?

I hate politics and I don't vote, so I'd say I don't identify with either of them, but here are some of my political stances:

• Pro-life
• Against gay marriage
• Pro environment preservation and alternative fuels
• We have got to get off the fucking oil.
• Pro states' rights (imo as many decisions as possible need to be made by the smaller govts)
• Tend to lean more toward the Dems on foreign policy
• We need to balance the FUCKING BUDGET. So...
• Pro tax increase, pro govt programs decrease
• Anti US as "world police"
• Pro health care research (it's out there, let's fucking find it)

What are you going to miss (assuming there is something) about Iraq?

Here is what I'm going to miss about Iraq:

• 6 figure income for doing an average of 30 minutes work per day
• Some of the people
• Having all the little things taken care of (free food, free room, no bills, laundry, etc.)
• The feeling like you're doing something big and unique with your life.
• Having a concrete, short-term, time-related goal always there.
• Loads of free time with nothing to do.

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Finally, Roy's questions.  My last day of work is technically on Monday (I will clock in a full day), but I will probably take most of that day off to finish packing, take pictures of the base, and say goodbye and all that.  To be honest, I haven't worked a full busy day in weeks.  This coming Sunday will probably be the last day I work a full productive 12 hours.

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Ok, I've got a Star Wars marathon to start.

"Ok I don't make films, but you can imagine what it'd be like.."

Day 8

Less than 200 hours.

The cool thing about time countdowns is that the closer you get to the end, each current day represents a larger % of the remaining time.  It seems to make the end go faster.

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Astros lose.  Run support!  Looks like Chris Burke is gonna get sent down.  Bummer.

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Didn't see LJW last night.  Hope he's ok.

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Completely bored.  I can't even really think of shit to post about.  Any suggestions?

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My boss has been on the rag this week; I've had to put her in check several times.

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Day 9

Single digits.  Whoa.

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Really not a lot going on.  I hate the weekends over here.  I'm bored as hell.  Started watching the superlong version of Lord Of The Rings.

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Astros win!  Albers!

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I am going to watch an inordinant amount of college football this fall.  Probably more than anyone ever.

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Figured a song by this band was appropriate today:

Day 10

This is my little Vietnamese friend Brandon's (the guy I work out with everyday) story:

He was born in Vietnam.  In the late 70's/early 80's Vietnam was fucking poor.  As a little kid, he and his uncle would walk along the road and gather seeds to mix in to the rice, and that was dinner.  When he was 9, his grandfather said he was going to the U.S.  He stowed away on a fishing boat bound for Thailand and Brandon and his family didn't hear from him for a year.  A year later, Brandon's granpa sent them a letter, letting them know he had finally made it to California.  All the paperwork was filed for the family to come over, but they first had to find a way out of Vietnam, away from the Vietcong and into a country where they could claim refugee status.  Eventually, Brandon's uncle just decided that the family (about 12 people total) should just get in their small fishing boat and try and haul ass to international waters.  So late one night, they piled in the 15' metal boat, 3 adult males, 4 adult women, and 5 kids all under 13 years old, and started out to sea.  As they pulled away from the shore, apparently some Vietcong saw them and yelled for them to stop.  When they didn't stop, they opened fire.  No one was hit.  About 20 yards after they crossed over to international waters, the motor on their boat broke down.

This is when they realized that a 15' boat had little to no chance of making it all the way to Thailand in the first place, much less with no motor.  With no parts to fix the motor, they just sat out in the middle of the Pacific for about 10 days.  They were running low on food.  Real fucking low.  On the 10th day, a Thai fishing vessel came across their boat.  The Thai fishermen told them they would tow them close enough to shore to get in (but not all the way because it was illegal to tow in refugees), so they tossed them a rope and tied on.  Well, instead of taking them inland, they went out.  WAY out.  Then they robbed Brandon and his family of all the bartering items they had taken for their entire journey and left them for dead.  (I get hint that Brandon's female relatives may have been raped during this ordeal, but not didn't push to confirm it.)  Brandon's female relatives had some jewelry, the men had a little cash (very little).  Luckily, Brandon's grandma had sensed something was up and gave all the kids bubble gum and told them to chew it.  Then she inserted a peice of jewelry into each peice of bubble gum and told the kids to hold it in their mouth.  So the Thai fuckers didn't get everything.

Anyway, now here they were, out in the middle of the Pacific on a brokedown boat with nothing and no food.  They sat their for a day and a half, the waves brutalizing their little boat.  On the 2nd day, a Dutch cargo ship came across them.  They offered help.  I have no clue why, but they took Brandon and his family aboard, carried them to shore, and paid for them to get safe passage not only into Thailand, but paid for a full month's living at the refugee camp.  Brandon couldn't explain why the Dutchmen did this other than that they were nice.

So in Thailand, they stayed at the refugee camp for about a month waiting for their papers to clear U.S. immigrations.  The way Brandon explained it to me, back then the US paid for Vietnamese refugees to fly into the US.  So anyway, after a month in the camp, they flew to California.  Brandon's uncle had filed all Brandon's documents listing him as 2 years younger than he actually was, so Brandon started 4th grade as a 12 year old.  He didn't know a word of english.  He took ESL classes.  He graduated high school at 20.  Two years later he finally got full citizenship and joined the Marines.

I just thought it was a cool story, and some shit I would have never been exposed to otherwise; plus, it's a pretty cool tale of America.

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Astros lose.  Williams and Jennings compete for "Worst Astros Pitching Acquisition Ever".

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Raptors lose.  Hopefully this will be enough to justify letting Mitchell leave and getting a better coach.  And hopefully they'll use their cap room wisely. (Sign DeShawn Stevenson!)

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Weekends over here suck.  One more after this.  Can't get here soon enough.

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My old roommate Dan introduced me to this band.  I like 'em.  This song rules: