Worst Xmas Gifts Ever

What are the worst 5 Christmas gifts you've ever gotten?  Reading the previous sentence renders you tagged.

  1. A brass lamp and a plastic globe - these were supposed to be my "big gifts" from Santa.  I was eleven.  I didn't believe in Santa anymore, but what eleven year old boy wants a fucking brass lamp and plastic globe of the earth?
  2. A plastic skateboard.  This was during the eighties when skateboarding became really popular.  I wanted a simple wooden one - it didn't have to be expensive like a Vision or Peralta.  But it at least had to be made of wood.  No self-respecting thrasher would be caught dead on a fucking plastic skateboard.
  3. Dockers.  I wore Dockers pants at one time and I liked them.  But, at some point they were no longer good enough.  Maybe I outgrew them when my sense of style became more sophisticated or something.  I don't know, but for several years after I stopped wearing them I always seemed to get at least one pair.
  4. A "hands free" cell phone device that probably weighed as much as the phone itself.
  5. A box of chocolates.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE chocolate.  Especially good chocolate.  But, I was in 6th grade at the time and it was from a kid in the class who picked my name.  Plus too, the kid happened to be one of my best friends so I guess I was expecting more.  Anyway, the chocolates were cheap and not very good.  I just remember thinking, "I'm fucking twelve years old.  There's a lot of inexpensive shit that I would've liked and would not be that hard to figure out."  For some reason I just thought a box of chocolates was a shitty gift.

____ is the New Black

Michael Jackson's pajamas are the new black.

Online bill pay is the new black.

The New Black is the new black.

Having your private sex tape stolen and put on the internet is the new black.

Lists of things that are the new black are the new black.

Orange is the new black.

This dude's blog who came up with this idea before me is the new black.

Ted McCoy is the new black.

Appointing a United Nations hater to be your ambassador to the UN is the new black.

Fat is the new black.

I am the new black.

What I wouldn't do...

Going along with the theme of my blog, one of my frequent posting categories will be things related to my curse.

For example, I would not create and maintain a blog if I wasn't cursed with ambition.

Compendia

The Compendia category will contain lists of bests, worsts, favorites, tops, bottoms etc.