Cursed With Ambition

Intermission

Before I start back up with the Big Bend story I have to mention something that has been monopolizing my time and thoughts for the better part of the last four weeks.

I got a client in mid-April that everyone in my office, including a couple of lawyers who have been practicing for over 20 years, agrees is the worst and most difficult client any of them have ever seen or heard of.  Put it this way - if it was any worse I would be bearing physical scars.

This whole imbroglio has been my toughest early test by far.  Not only did I have to make sure I got all of the legal shit right, I had to babysit and keep a lid on this crazy person.  I also had to manage my own emotions.  My client could not be reasoned with, could not understand logic, refused to accept my explanations (even after the fifth, sixth, seventh time), thought I was conspiring with the other side to screw him, called me 6, 7, 8 times a day or more.  On my cell phone.  On the weekends.  Then I had to put up with verbal abuse by this client.  This after I took every call, responded to every email, patiently answered every question, followed up on every instruction and was even nice about it.  Oh yeah, I also took his shitty case in the first place - where he never once paid the amount of rent listed in his lease, when he did pay it was not once on time, he failed to carry insurance required by his lease until several months in and made unauthorized improvements to the property - and I was only able to go to the eviction and unlawful lockout hearings (which turned into more of a bench trial) and got him a $6,034.00 judgment!

The end result is that I passed this test.  I handled myself extremely well with this client and many people who have been present have commended me, including the lawyer for the other side!  I also handled the technical courtroom stuff very well.  Thanks in large part to Matt K and allBilly I had a very positive first experience in a courtroom setting and now I feel comfortable there.  I almost fucked up by not proving up attorney's fees with my own testimony, but I asked to reopen testimony during my closing argument and the judge allowed it.  (Incidentally, to my knowledge I've never heard or read the speech used to prove up your own fees at trial, but somehow I gave that speech perfectly.  I have no idea how.)  I got what can only be called a sweeping victory against very long odds and I feel damned good about it.

*  This is the same case where I was dealt my first significant loss a couple of weeks ago that I blogged about.

My First Firm Xmas Party

Went to my first of many firm Christmas parties on Saturday night. The GF was in town to go with and I was looking forward to showing her off. (Is that wrong? I mean can I be blamed for enjoying being in the company of an attractive woman? Maybe I can just be blamed for saying it out loud. At any rate, I know what the whole trophy wife thing is all about and that's not me. I'm lucky because I get the benefits of the trophy wife thing without all of the demands for a white Beemer, $25K engagement ring and surgery involving silicone. So I'll wrap this up before the aside overtakes the whole post. Needless to say, I'm shamelessly trying to score some points here - lord knows I need 'em. Hi Babe!)

We were set to arrive about an hour after the party started, not by choice but because we had somewhat of a wardrobe malfunction. The GF lost the shirt she was going to wear. When she discovered that the shirt was missing she flew into a rage and I pretty much wrote the night off at that point. Hell hath no fury like a woman who loses part of the outfit she was planning for weeks to wear to her boyfriend's first firm Christmas party. I was shitting bricks and praying that she found it because I had carried her stuff into my house when she arrived two nights before and I thought I might've let it fall outside or something. Anyway, she recovered well - she had something else to wear and she looked awesome. And to her credit, she was chipper soon enough and we had a good time. Oh, and she found the shirt at her house when she got back home today. Whew!

We found the street the party was on and were trying to see the numbers on the houses. We could see this house up in the distance that had a GINORMOUS amount of Christmas lights and outside decorations in the front yard. I mean none of the street lamps, which are photosensitive, were on because of the nova-like brightness coming from this house. The GF giggled and said immediately, "That's it. I know it." I said, "No. Can't be." But secretly I knew she was right. And she was. They had not one, but THREE of those inflatable lawn snow globes - one with a working carousel going around inside it. I shit you not. There were pretty much lights covering every square inch of the house and yard - lighted candycanes and miniature Christmas trees lining the walks, lights dangling from every eave, nary a bush wasn't weighted down with hundreds of lights. Even the backyard was lit up. Before we got out of the truck the GF said, "I bet it's even worse inside." "There's no way," I thought to myself.

The GF was still laughing about all of the yard decorations when we got to the front door. Once inside I made the introductions and said hello to everyone I knew. Then we made it to the kitchen where the alcohol was set up. Before everyone starts thinking that this is the "Ojo got ripped out of his mind and did some hilarious stupid shit at the firm's Christmas party" story, allow me to disappoint - they weren't serving alcohol. I found that out a few days before the party and I still don't know exactly why. My two theories are: 1) Liability - the person throwing the party is a lawyer after all; and 2) he's a deacon at a Baptist church so it may be a religious thing. Whatever the reason, we were allowed to bring whatever we wanted. Some of the girls in the office made sangria. The GF and I brought a couple of bottles of wine. We brought one red and one white. A couple of people made commens about the La Crema and it became obvious in a big hurry that we should've brought two bottles of that one. It was the GF's pick of course, I don't know shit about wine other than there's a handful that I know I like. Anyway, at this mostly dry party our white wine lasted about thirty seconds. It became sort of an inside joke between me and the GF.

Once we each had a glass of wine in hand we looked around for the first time. Let me say this - the GF was right for the second time. The density of Christmas decorations in that house fairly defies description. I have never seen its equal. Door mats, door knob hangers, dish towels, window sill sitting elves, ceramic Christmas villages, animated Santas, fiber optic angels, plush Christmas toys, pillows, toilet seat covers, pull chain ornaments and pretty much every Christmas themed trinket that Disney has ever made. All I know is, if Christmas spirit can be measured by the volume of decorations you own, these folks have more than Father Christmas, Santa Claus, Mrs. Claus, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Jack Frost, Bing Crosby, Frosty the Snowman, the cast of 'It's a Wonderful Life,' Joseph, the Virgin Mary, the ass she rode to Bethlehem on and the Magi combined. At one point we were led outside to see the boxes of MORE decorations in the garage. We walked through the laundry room to get there and I actually looked BEHIND the hot water heater, fully expecting to see a Goofy Christmas figurine or illuminated sugar plums.

We had a good time at the party. It was nice to see everyone outside of the office environment. And nothing bad or embarrassing happened. I guess there's always next year.

Back on Task

Many thanks to Harmless Error for snapping me out of this football palsy I've been in for the last couple of weeks.  How I went from Law School Blogger to Baby Lawyer Blogger to College Football Blogger I don't know.  But, in my instinctively male pursuit to please the opposite sex, here's a post more on point:

Life at a Small Firm

1. The practice of law involves moving more furniture than I thought it would.
2. I'm glad I get to choose how to decorate my own office and don't have to deal with some strict corporate-style set of rules.  The Mazzy Star poster next to my framed law license has gotten some weird looks though.
3. How many other baby lawyers out there have relapsed into the Westlaw/Lexis addiction and cost their firms thousands of dollars?  Show of hands?  Anyone?
4. How soon is it okay to install a wet bar in your office?  Soon I hope.  I am really looking forward to inviting clients into my office and clinking a couple of ice cubes into a tumbler while asking what kind of scotch they prefer.
5. There are small firms and then there are small firms.  Some small firms are classified as "boutique" firms because they specialize in a very specific type of practice (med mal defense, construction litigation, criminal defense).  They are higher up on the food chain and probably have a large book of solid business or referrals that sustain them.  The other type of small firm has a "general practice" and takes just about anything that walks in the door.  My firm is the latter.  And let me tell you - taking walk-in business sucks (insert huge hairy ungulate here) balls.  Since I'm the FNG I get to listen to all of the bullshit intake.  The stories I could tell.  I am getting good at drafting "I Am Not Your Lawyer" letters though.

Glad I'm Not You

1. For the first time in 4 years, Thanksgiving didn't mean the impending doom of final exams.  I spent all weekend with the fam, watched all the football I wanted (actually I worked my ass off replacing the roof on my dad's garage but that doesn't really matter for my purposes here) and made my way leisurely back home.  For you poor suckers who are still in law school - my heart goes out to you.  If you are reading this before Dec. 20th then that means you are probably fucking off to avoid studying.  That's cool.  Just keep in mind that that frail quiet chick who sat in the front row in every class is studying her 250 page 8 point font 1/2 inch margin outline for the 15th time.  Right.  Fucking.  Now.  But hey, if you fuck this up (especially if you are a 1L) it only means that you'll be making about seventy thousand dollars less in salary after you graduate.  PER YEAR.
2. For those of you who are studying for law school finals right now, here's a bit of advice:  Do some exercise.  Rather than procrastinating by watching TV or screwing around on the internet instead of studying, go to the gym, jog or even just walk a few blocks to the convenient store to pick up some more peanut M&M's and Diet Cokes.  Then take a hot shower.  You'll be refreshed.  Blood flow is underrated.
3. And in case I forget to mention it again before grades come out - if you do screw up on your exams, don't kill yourself.  You are not alone.  I didn't do as well as I wanted to and most of the other students I knew didn't either.  So you'd be just like me, which actually isn't all that bad.

Bar Passage Hangover

1. Something that I did not expect was this feeling like I filled up on salad and bread so now I don't even want the delectable main course.  Or like orgasm during foreplay.  What I mean by that is that I worked so hard during law school and studying for the bar that now that I'm actually practicing law (or some first year bitch associate form of it) I'm having a hard time sinking my teeth into it.  Part of it is that most of what I'm getting fed is shitty work.  But the other part of it feels like I kind of blew my load before the real shit began.  Don't get me wrong, I got a chubby when I saw my new business cards that said "Ojo Rojo, Attorney At Law" and I still salivate when I get a potential client on the phone or in my office.  But there still seems something anticlimactic about this.  Aybody else feel that way or is it just me?

* The food and sex mixed metaphors in the preceding paragraph were intentional.

The Hunt for a Job in October

The latest big news is that I found a J-O-B. I accepted the offer over two weeks ago, finished out my final two weeks at Adams & Boswell and started my new job on Monday. The new firm is Adair & Myers. I don't know why I waited so long to post this news. For some reason I thought it prudent; possibly out of respect for my former boss, John Boswell. I worked for him for nearly two and a half years. It was my first law job and first experience of any kind with a law firm. As far as mentors go, I could not have had a better one. The man is a class act, knows everybody, is a consummate professional and has probably forgotten more law than I'll ever know. It was tougher than I thought to say goodbye to many of the folks there. I had developed pretty close relationships with many of the attorneys and staff members at the firm and it was hard to part with them. Everyone wants to know why I didn't stay with them. All I can say is that they did make me an offer, but for several reasons this new opportunity was simply better.

I'm very happy about where I landed. Adair & Myers (they shorten it to A&M sometimes, which is annoying as shit) is a small firm with a wider set of practice areas than the old firm. That means I'm going to get exposure to a lot of different things, which I really wanted. In the two days I've been there I've already worked on a patent infringement case and a bankruptcy case - two things I've never been exposed to. Plus, it's a really good group of guys. In the end, that factor more than anything else probably carried the most weight.

The hardest thing about the whole process was the fact that the GF lives in Austin and I was efforting job opps there as well to try to get where she is. Obviously, I really want to be where she is because, let's face it - long distance relationships are horseshit. In fact, I was prepared to make some pretty big career sacrifices to move there. I have to say, the GF was a total champ about the whole thing and was and is supportive of my decision. (And yes, I am shamelessly trying to score points with her by writing this.) In the end though, it was too difficult to pass up a sure-thing that was a really good offer here in Houston for something that was totally uncertain in Austin.

For those current and future job seekers out there, let me give you some details and recap what I learned through this whole ordeal:

-Preparation pays off bigtime. Just like in law school, if you do the work and are prepared, you reap benefits. I researched hundreds of firms, reviewed tons of job postings, made my application packets perfect (resume, cover letter, writing sample, references, etc.) and boned up on all of the hiring statistics I could including salary information, size of firms people end up in, peak hiring times, etc. Doing all of this took a lot of time and energy, but every one of these things I mentioned came into play and factored in to my relative success at finding a job.
-Volume counts for a lot. You can play the odds with job postings you find through the CRC, on Symplicity or Lawcrossing, but I got my job from a blind mailing of my resume. Send out as many as you possibly can.
-It takes a while to get set up to do a mass mailout, believe it or not. You've got to tweak the resume and have several cover letters tailored to each of the types of firms you are applying for. You have to go in and change the names and addresses on each cover letter (or at least you should) and sometimes it's really hard to find out who in the hell you should address it to. My rule of thumb was this: go to the firm's website (if they even had one) and see if they had a recruiting coordinator or a hiring partner. If so, I'd address it to them. If they had neither I would address it to a named partner. If there was no named partner I'd either address is to the first partner who appeared on the list on Martindale or to any partner who practiced in the area I was interested in. If none of the above, I'd address it to the firm and put "Dear Sir or Madam" as the salutation. I got to where I could turn out about 12 applications consisting of my resume and a customized cover letter in about three hours.
-The most time consuming part was determining what firms to blindly send an application to. I had a pretty complicated set of criteria that I won't go into, but I did it at the same time as the mailouts so that the information I had on each firm would be fresh in my mind and also so that as I visited each firm's website and Martindale profile I could cut and paste names and addresses into my cover letters. By the way, Martindale's formatting is fucked, so that was an endless source of frustration. Anyway, after a while you can get in a zone and churn them out.
-Being armed with accurate salary information paid big dividends during the negotiations once I actually got interviews. I met with the hiring partners at the firm that eventually hired me four separate times and talked to them on the phone twice more. One thing having information did for me was give me confidence. These people are seasoned negotiators but I felt like I was on solid ground with the information I had. I could back up what I was asking for and because of that I had no problem asking for what I wanted. I was totally up front with them about where I got my information. They could have checked my info but I'm not sure they did anything other than take my word for it. Things would have been totally different if I had just thrown out some random number with no basis in anything. I would have probably been way off the mark or undershot to be safe. Regardless, I wouldn't have had any credibility and they would have sensed that right away. I don't know for sure, but in their eyes I might have looked like some kind of authority on the subject because they knew that I'd done my research. That gave me a pretty solid bargaining position. I didn't make out like a bandit or anything, but they came in significantly higher in the end than their initial offer and I ended up in the average range for a firm of that size, which was all I wanted. (Again, I'm discussing salary shit for the benefit of those who are going through or have yet to go through this process and not for any other reason.)
-You never know what is going to be the factor that gets you hired. In my situation, I think one small line on my resume, which had nothing to do with law school and only very little to do with job experience, is the thing that initially caught their eye. That, and after meeting with me the first time I told them that if they hired me that I was going to need to give my current firm a full two weeks notice out of respect for them and also to wrap up my part of some cases that I was heavily involved in for the firm. The lawyer who hired me told me later that my insistance on giving notice was one of the things that solidified the deal. If I had to give advice on how best to play this factor I would say to load your resume with every fucking detail you can. Even things you don't think are significant. Fill the page up, but not so much that it goes over a page.
-I can't put everything I observed up here so if anybody has any specific questions or wants any more information feel free to comment or email me.

Law Job Negotiating Fuel

One of the attorneys I work for put me in touch with the HR person from his previous firm yesterday.  This person has been in the HR game for a long time, has worked for several different firms during that span and really knows her shit.  Apparently, HR people have access to databases or websites or something where they all contribute and get information.  She agreed to share this information with me; now I'm sharing it with you.

2005 (for 2004 grads) Salary Ranges by Firm Size in Houston, TX

1-14 Attorneys:  $70-80K

15-29 Attorneys:  $85K

30-50 Attorneys:  $105K

In addition, standard compensation packages include payment of bar dues, occupational taxes, medical insurance and parking.  Dental insurance is not uncommon.

So there you go. 

A couple of additional points:  1.  The numbers for 2005 grads are coming out on Monday and my source is supposed to email them to me.  If she does, I will post them.  2.  Why in the fuck doesn't Reggie at STCL CRC have this information.  Hey dumbass!!  Why don't you call some fucking HR people and get some info.  Or better yet, why don't you pay the subscription to the same websites where they are getting their information?  Unbelievable.

!*@?*#&*! Job Search

By the Numbers:

• 604 - Litigation firms in Houston.
• 120 - Law firm who have received correspondence from me.
• 60 - Bucks spent on fancy paper and envelopes and another 30 or so on stamps.  (I'm partial to the Crops of the Americas stamps.)
• 42 - Hours invested on researching firms and editing, printing and mailing cover letters and resumes since September 1st.
• 32 - Pounds per square inch, which represents the average force of my butthole puckering.
• 18 - Months that the firm I currently work for waited to give me a permanent job offer.  Fuckers.
• 15 - Rejection letters or emails received as of today.
• 7.65 - Percent of your income that you pay for Social Security and Medicare
• 2 - Interviews
• 2 - Offers
• 1 - Girlfriend who really doesn't want to have to move from Austin
• 1 - Connection girlfriend made for me in Austin.  (Thanks Babe!!)
• 0 - Job offers accepted

So, yeah, this has already been a painful process.  Made no less so by the Career Services Office.  Thanks for nothing.  Assholes.  Anyway, for all those similiarly situated - I'm here to dispel ignorance by sharing what I have learned.  First: the feeding frenzy has definitely begun.  Not only have I gotten some play, others I know have as well.  Bottom line - if you haven't been getting out there, the time is NOW.  Use Symplicity, Lawcrossing and Martindale.  I've gotten one interview off of Symplicity and one from my mass mailing of resumes.  Second: 

Maybe everyone already has this, but if not, this information could help you in salary negotiations.  I don't know why this form is not included by the CRC in our exit packet, but it's not.  The more this info is known, the better.  So, here it is for what it's worth.  The only major problem here is that the salary information suffers from small sampling size.  I credit the CRC again.  Dumbfucks.  Anyway, to all those non-ivory tower (BigLaw) dwelling law grads in the Houston market out there - you are not alone.

Download stcl_salaries_05.PDF

Law Job Feeding Frenzy

FYI:  To all those July '06 Bar Examinees:  if you are looking for a legal job, now is the time.

The Fall feeding frenzy that most of us have heard about has begun.  It still baffles me why Reggie and his merry band of idiots at the CRC didn't educate us on this part of the process.  This despite the fact that I estimate 85% of May grads get their jobs during this period.

Anyway, I've been monitoring Lawcrossing and Symplicity for weeks and applying for any job that seems remotely interesting.  I've also been mass-mailing resumes with cover letters to all of the firms listed on Martindale after narrowing down the search by practice area.  Both have produced modest results so far.  It pays to actually visit the websites for many of these firms, especially medium-sized to large ones, because often they will allow applications by email with an attached resume.  Saves on the expensive resume paper, envelopes, $.39 stamps, hassle and it's speedier.  Click on any 'careers' or 'employment' tabs on the site and it will usually tell you how best to apply.  This tab also contains the HR person's or hiring partner's name as well, which you'll need for your cover letters.

I hope I'm not punking myself by flooding my potential employers with applications from you all, but WTF - this is all crap that is already known anyway.