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Training Log: Texas Water Safari

Sunday I took the Rainmaker out to Oyster Creek again.  The water was lower than I'd seen it, but still brown and hot.  I've actually gotten used to the place and it doesn't bother me that much anymore.  The way it's set up I've got a 7.1 mile loop and a chart that someone else did that tells me how many mph I'm going.  A good top speed for a spring of less that 500 meters is 10mph.  A good cruising speed for a marathon canoe race (over 26 miles) is around 7mph.  I intended to do two laps for 14.2 miles.  I didn't really have a mph goal because I don't even really know where I'm at yet.  I did the first loop in about 83 minutes, which is a little over 5mph.  I worked pretty hard, but I wasn't trying to sprint. 

I really questioned whether I wanted to do another loop.  I was tired, my muscles were aching, my butt was asleep, it was already later in the day than I wanted and I knew I still had to mow my yard when I got home.  I took about a 5 minute break to stretch my legs then I got back in the boat to do one more lap.  It was my goal for that day and I knew I'd feel shitty if I didn't do it.  I finished the second lap and my stopwatch said 2:58.  So I averaged 4.72mph over 14.2 miles.  I included the 5 minute break in the total time.  Now I've got a benchmark to improve upon.

I'm also ramping up training for the Martindale Triathlon, which is Oct. 27th.  I'm going to run, Allbilly's going to bike and we're both going to paddle the Raptor.  The run is 7 miles.  My goal is to finish the run in under 56 minutes or an 8min/mi. pace.  I ran 6 miles on Saturday in 47:23, so I'm well on my way to my goal.

Couple of notes about Sunday. 

  1. I saw my first alligator while training.  It was on a small island in the wildest section of the creek between Williams Trace Bridge and the 59 bridge.  I estimate it between 5 and 6 feet long.  Did wonders for my speed and stability.
  2. I'm still waiting to find a dead prostitute floating under the 59 bridge.
  3. I saw other kayakers on the water for the first time.  It was a comforting feeling knowing that other people were out on the water.
  4. There are some big fish in the creek.  I think the big ones are gar.  I've seen a couple that are easily over 2ft. long.  They come right up to the boat.  This is good training because in the Safari, especially at night, huge gar (30-40lbs) will bump the boat and make huge splashes because they are attracted to the sound and the light.  I've heard that can be pretty scary.

On other fronts:

  • Saw the documentary King of Kong.  It was awesome.  I love documentaries.  I had a feeling like I would never go to a corporate movie megaplex and see another vapid Hollywood movie ever again.  Anyway, I recommend the movie.
  • Seeing the documentary made me wistful for the career I left behind to become a lawyer - that of a documentary filmmaker.  I never got close to actually being a professional documentary filmmaker but if I wasn't a lawyer that's what I'd try to do.  I wouldn't be surprised if I make another one in my lifetime.  Right now the two projects I would most like to do are:  Bullseye:  The Authoritative Documentary on the Game of Darts and The Texas Water Safari DocumentaryBullseye would be just that - authoritative.  I'd give a brief history of the game, a good quick primer on how the game is played (both cricket and '01) probably using graphics and introduce the levels of play around the world.  After the prologue I would have segments on local league players (who can be quite colorful), tournament circuit players (equally colorful, but more dedicated) and elite level professional players.  I would probably shoot both American and British players and juxtapose the tiers of both systems.  Almost all of the best players in the world are British, so I'd want to see the levels below those guys and compare to the American system.  The TWS Documentary would also have a segment on the history of the race, but 3/4 of it would follow one training season and the race itself.  This year would have been a good one to do because the biggest rivalry in the history of the race is back:  Bugge v. Mynar.  There's a lot to tell about the rivalry, but basically the Mynar family has fielded what have been widely acknowledged as the best teams year in and year out.  And we're talking about the wild 44ft. long six-man unlimited class boats here.  Those are the ones that finish first overall every year.  Bugge has managed several wins over the Mynars, but he always did it by getting a technical advantage and not an advantage of pure speed or river skills.  For example, the Mynars would win in a 4 man boat and the next year Bugge would show up in a 5 man boat and win.  So Bugge always had that knock against him.  Well, in 2006 it was finally a head-to-head Bugge v. Mynar 6-man unliminted duel.  Bugge had imported 5 of the best paddlers from Belize and Mynar had his usual crop of elite rivermen.  Bugge finally won in a straight-up competition.  Word is he cried at the finish.  Rumor is, and I heard this from John Bugge himself, that he and the Mynars are going to field 6-man teams once again and battle it out.  Anyway, the Safari is rife with interesting storylines like that.  My own story as a complete novice training for the Safari would have been a good one to follow I think.  Anyway, pipe dreams.  Who knows if any of them will ever come to pass.
  • I admire what Mike Gundy was trying to do at his blow up press conference following their defeat of Texas Tech.  It was all about this article.  He didn't execute it perfectly, though, and it has been lampooned in the media since then.  You gotta be careful with the media.  They've got the forum and can say basically whatever they want.  Career builders and destroyers they are.
  • It's official, I'm going to the TX/OU game.  Even though it looks real bad from here, don't count Texas out.  This game is essentially played in a vacuum.  You can throw out previous records, previous performance, off-field distractions, etc.  Odds are that Texas will lose, but goddamn I hope not.  I HATE Oklahoma.  If for no other reason than they present a quandary of logic.  With a state so incredibly shitty, how can they bear a football program that is so good?  Good enough to rival the best that the Great State of Texas can produce?  Why have any prized recruits from Texas ever gone to OU?  Other than a winning tradition, what have they got?  Why did they get a winning tradition in the first place?  How were they ever able to import good players from Texas?  It truly is one of the great mysteries of the universe.  This is as frustrating a set of questions to me as the chicken/egg or God thing.

Jr. Texas Water Safari

Last Saturday I ran my first canoe race.  It was the Jr. Texas Water Safari that is run on the first 16.5 miles of the TWS course on the San Marcos river from City Park in San Marcos to Staples dam.  I wanted my cousin/paddling partner, Robo, to do the race with me.  I thought it would be a good workout and an even better learning experience.  Long story short, he didn't do it and I was on my own.  I had already decided I was going to do the race with or without Robo.  I had also decided that I was going to rent a plastic boat for the race.  This section of the river is among the hairiest of the Safari because of the dams and rapids.  That makes it very dangerous as far as damaging you boat.  I wasn't going to risk the Raptor and I promised the owner of the Rainmaker that I wasn't going to take it on the San Marcos.  The plastic rental is virtually indestructible and not mine, so it was an easy choice.  The main drawback is that plastic rentals are SLOW.  Plus, the one I got from Spencer Canoes didn't have a foam seat or any way to rig water jugs or bottles.  The Jr. was going to be a glorified training run for me anyway, so speed didn't matter to me too much.  I thought ahead and brought a foam seat and some velcro to rig water bottles.

I left work early on Friday and picked up another Houston paddler, Kayak Raider, to carpool with.  Kayak Raider is a very experienced paddler and volunteered to give me the scoop on the course on the way.  We drove to Spencer's to pick up my rental boat and reserve a campsite.  I had decided to camp since it was convenient to the start.  We then went to a spot on the river in San Marcos called Rio Vista.  It's the site of a former dam that's been broken to create a paddlers' park of sorts.  It's basically and 3-tiered rapid with a chute going down the middle.  Kayak Raider wanted to practice running Rio Vista in his very tippy K-1 boat, which is basically just a narrow racing kayak with a composite (carbon) hull.  We met another guy there, Mad Moose, who was doing the same thing.  We also met one of the elder statesmen of the paddling community, Omar, who used to paddle but now just likes being around this stuff.  He likes it so much in fact that he made a special trip from wherever he lives just to watch these guys run Rio Vista in K-1's.  One of the guys brought a video camera to tape the runs.  Apparently, running Rio Vista in a K-1 is a fairly rare event.  These guys were making out like this was an historic event.  Running the rapid in a K-1 certainly requires a lot of skill, but even I thought they were going a bit overboard.  I had my wide plastic boat along to run it too.  Each guy made a couple of attempts at it, falling out of their boats after the first chute.  On the third try Kayak Raider made it.  Omar hollered triumphantly.  I ran the video camera.

After the successful run, I got in my boat to do it.  I wasn't really apprehensive about it at all; maybe I should have been.  I knew the likelihood of falling out was remote since the boat I was in was about as stable as the come.  Besides, I didn't care.  I had a very aggressive attitude about the whole thing - I was going to run every rapid and obstacle except for the mandatory portages around tall dams that were unrunnable.  I paddled into the chute and tried to just keep paddling; trying to get through as fast as possible.  The first drop is about 3 feet or so, the second two are half that.  I came through easy.  I only ran it once, but I felt confident going into the race about my decision to run everything.

We got some dinner and went back to the campground at about 10.  We set up our tents and bullshitted for a while and went to bed around 11:30.  We set our alarms for 6.  I didn't sleep all that well; never do in tents and sleeping bags.  At 4 a rain shower kicked up and I had to get out and put the rain cover on my tent.  I didn't really ever get back to sleep after that.  I was excited and a bit uncomfortable.  Still, I didn't really feel exhausted.  I had probably gotten around 4 hours of sleep all told so I felt okay at 6 when I got up for good.  I had rigged the seat and velcro on the boat the night before.  In the morning I prepped my water bottles with Gatorade and some stuff Kayak Raider gave me called Cytomax or something.  It was some kind of energy drink with protein that all the paddlers use.  It tasted a little chalky, like protein powder, but not too bad.  I ate a Clif bar and had some water and Gatorade for breakfast.  We got the last of our gear together, broke camp and headed for City Park.

There were tons of other cars on the highway with racks and racing boat on them.  When we got to the park I saw many of the people I knew of from reading about the Safari and on the message boards.  There were 49 total boats in the race; all either single or tandem.  There were none of the six man boats that the Safari is famous for.  I looked around at all of the racers.  I noted several other plastic boats that were similar to mine.  One in particular was a sit-on-top like mine, though a little longer and narrower.  The guy paddling it was a stocky Mexican dude.  I decided then and there that I was at least going to beat him.  I signed up, paid my $25, got a T-shirt and made some last minute adjustments to my boat and gear.  On a whim at the last minute I tied a rope to the stern of the boat.  I didn't know how I was going to use it, but the guy I rented the Rainmaker from had lines from the bow and stern so I figured I'd just copy that.  The race director announced that the race would be starting in 15 minutes and people started putting their boats in the water and getting warmed up.  I did the same.  My boat was heavy and I had a hard time carrying it to the water's edge.  That's the other thing about plastic boats - they're heavy.  Mine weighed about 65lbs. unloaded.  I added another 8-10lbs to it with water and other gear.  Plus, it's really hard to carry your paddle and your heavy boat at the same time.  I had no idea how I was going to handle the portages.

I got the boat in the water and paddled upstream a bit to get warmed up.  I worried about being stationary in the current.  The rows of boats were forming up as the race director counted down the minutes.  I positioned myself well back of the front line and in front of those who were obviously not interested in going fast.  I hung on to some exposed plants to keep still.  When the countdown reached 15 seconds I released and started slowly forward.  They reached zero and shouted "Go!"  I tried to watch the front line because I'd heard what a melee it could be.  I didn't have a good look at it so I just started paddling hard myself.  When I looked up again I saw that one racer had fallen out of his boat and was in the water.  It was the guy I had ridden with from Houston. 

The adrenaline was definitely up, but I tried to keep a reasonable pace.  I'd never paddled 16 miles before so I needed to conserve my energy as much as possible.  The current was running pretty fast, so everything was flying by.  I had to make several quick decisions about which line to run to avoid trees and branches and bridge supports.  With no rudder on my boat I had to steer with my paddle.  Stroke on the right makes you go left, brace stroke (sticking the paddle in the water as if to stop or slow down) on the right makes you go right.  You want to throw as few bracing strokes as possible so as not to lose speed.  I tried to stay on the tail of the Mexican guy I was racing.

Before I knew it we were upon Rio Vista.  It was hard to see the chute from far away; there's just a negative edge and that's it.  The channel isn't visible from the boat until you're right on it.  Mad Moose had actually marked the chute earlier in the morning, so that helped.  I also just watched the guys in front of me go down it to know where to go.  I hung back a bit to give the Mexican guy in front of me plenty of room to clear out.  The rest of the area was littered with boats and floating paddlers who had tried to run it and fallen out.  I started paddling hard for the chute.  I made it through the first one no problem.  Past the second and I bumped someone's riderless boat.  Just past the third chute I ran over a guy who was hanging onto the side of his boat.  I also saw Mad Moose, who had fallen out of his K-1 and was struggling to the bank.  I asked if he was allright as I floated by but all he did was yell at me to get past him.

A little past Rio Vista I saw an aluminum boat coming up fast behind me out of the corner of my eye.  One of the guys said something like, "Now we've got to find a way to get around this guy."  They said it to me, even though it wasn't addressed to me.  Right then, the bow of their boat hooked the side of my stern and they spun me out into the brush along the bank.  As they went by one of the guys gave a sarcastic "Sorry."  I replied, "No you're not."  I knew they had spun me out on purpose.  The inflection in the voice and the fact that they didn't have to touch me to come around me told me they had done it on purpose.  I was fucking pissed.  I got myself straightened out as quickly as possible.  I was going to try to catch up to the assholes.  I didn't know what I was going to do exactly, but it didn't matter because I couldn't keep up with them anyway.  Being spun out had put me about 30 seconds behind the Mexican, which was the thing I was maddest about.

The first portage came up quick after that.  I knew that there was a right and left portage.  The people in front of me were going left, so that's what I did.  I pulled up to the bank that was choked with tree roots and concrete.  There was a steep dropoff from the bank.  I had a hard time getting out of the boat.  I drug the boat onto this concrete apron that sloped back down about ten yards to the river.  There was a lot of confusion at the portage with other boats and paddlers scrambling around trying to get back in the water as quickly as possible.  I was very clumsy, but I eventually made it back in the boat and started paddling again.

I paddled for a long time before anything else really exciting happened.  The current was fast and there were constant decisions to be made about which line to take.  I stupidly cut across turns instead of riding the faster current along the outside.  It was slower and I burned a lot of energy doing it.  I ducked under branches, or "sweepers," hanging over the water.  I got raked by more than a few.  There were tons of partially submerged trees.  There are a lot of tactical issues that arise in this sport.  The river itself creates most of these issues and makes canoe racing different than running or cycling, which I think is more straightforward - just go faster.  Staying out of obstacles and picking fast lines of current keep you constantly on your toes.  I made a lot of tactical errors, mostly by not staying in the fast current and being too timid, slow and clumsy at the portages.  I took notes of the mistakes made by people around me.  I came up behind one guy in a fast solo boat who bottomed out on a partially submerged tree and got stuck.  He was in the only runnable channel so I knew I was going to either have to stop altogether or hit him.  I hollered out, "Coming up behind!"  When I got closer I yelled out again, "On your left."  I thought I might be able to squeeze by.  I nudged his boat on the side and actually reached out and pushed him over the limb.  He never looked at me, but said, "Thanks" as he paddled off.  I grabbed the back end of his boat for a second so he could pull me off the stump.  The Mexican made a similar error by getting hung on a stump that was too shallow to float over.  The difference with him was that it was in the open river and there was plenty of room to pass it.  I don't know why he went over it at all but it allowed me to catch up to him.  I tried drafting him for a while.  In paddling that's called "wash riding."  I could definitely tell that I was exerting myself less when I rode his wake.  It was hard to stay in position, though. 

Eventually we came to the next portage, Cummings Dam.  I could see boats veering off to the right and I steered that way as well.  The Mexican was about ten yards ahead of me as we pulled off to the side.  He made another tactical error by getting out of his boat too soon.  The water was deeper than he thought and he sank and had to swim the rest of the way to shore.  I saw this and paddled all the way to shore.  I should have gained a minute or more on him but I looked at the dam and the portage trail and wondered just what in the hell I was going to do.  The dam was a sheer drop of at least 20 feet.  There was a narrow concrete wall to the right where people were walking down to get below the dam.  The walkway was about 18" wide and bordered on one side by impenetrable tangled brush and on the other side by a sheer drop to the rocks below.  At first I thought I was going to carry my boat down the path.  I tried to lift it and I couldn't get it all the way up.  For one thing, I was weak with exhaustion.  For another, the boat had several gallons of water in it, which probably meant that the boat approached 100lbs.  I looked at the narrow trail and down to the rocks below.  I had the fleeting thought that I could very well be crippled or killed here.  I also thought that people must be fucking crazy to do this shit.  Mad Moose had suggested earlier that I just toss the plastic boat over the edge and let it crash to the ground below.  I felt too guilty to do that.  Then I remembered the rope I had tied to the boat.  The rope!  I set the boat on the edge of the dam and began to lower it down.  The Mexican had already gotten his boat over and was on the trail to get down.  I got the boat all the way down and started down the trail myself.  Several other guys in plastic boats who were in my class arrived and started lowering their boats down.  I drug my boat to the water got in and started paddling again.  I was exhausted.  The Mexican was 75 yards downriver and a couple of the other plastic boats passed me right as I got back in my boat.  I was a bit demoralized.

I resolved to try to catch them by paddling steady and keeping them in sight and then paddling my heart out over the last stretch in a sprint to catch them.  The only problem was that I didn't know any landmarks that would tell me how far away the finish line was.  I hoped that there was a long straight stretch of river before the finish line.

I paddled through another wide, slow and uneventful stretch of the river.  I was tired, but the paddle stroke is a fairly natural fluid motion that is relatively easy to sustain.  I pressed on and lost sight of the guys ahead of me because of all the bends in the river.  At one point I saw them up ahead pulling off to the right at the last portage.  I got there just ahead of two other paddlers in my class.  Omar was manning the checkpoint and I called out my boat number to him as I drug my boat up on shore.  It had been hard getting out of the boat because my legs were cramped and atrophied.  There was a trail to the right of the dam and I began dragging my heavy boat down it.  I was even with the two guys who came in behind me.  They had to stop midway and I got a little way ahead of them.  I reached the water first and stopped at one of the natural entry points.  I was exhausted from paddling and dragging the boat for a hundred yards.  My water bottle was empty so I had to switch them out.  I unfastened my dry bag to get out two new bottles when the two guys behind me came up.  The bitched about me stopping at the best reentry point.  I felt like saying something to them, but they had a point.  I felt like I was playing a little dirty by making it harder for them to get back in the river.  But I was too tired to do anything else.  I got the water bottles traded out and clumsily got back in my boat and started paddling again.  The two guys were slightly ahead of me and I felt even more demoralized.  The Mexican and the other paddlers were nowhere in sight.

Soon after the portage I came upon a low water bridge.  There was a gap of about 2-1/2 feet between the water and the bottom of the bridge.  There were a couple of people standing on the bridge.  I couldn't tell if I had enough clearance to make it under and I hadn't seen any other boats go under it either.  It was going to be close.  I laid back on my boat and floated under.  There was about three inches or less between my nose and the underside of the bridge.  Much closer than I'd expected.

I paddled on.  I passed a few guys fishing from kayaks and even a couple of flyfishing river guides with their parties.  One had beached on a gravel bar and was preparing lunch for his party.  I was envious of those guys.  I was suffering.  I paddled and paddled and paddled.  Every time I stopped to take a drink from my water bottle I lost momentum.  I kept looking over my shoulder to see if any other boats were coming up behind.  An enormous green canoe passed me, then a solo in a plastic boat who was in my class passed me.  There was no current and I felt like I was paddling a cinder block through the water.  I came up to a sweeper that spanned the entire river and had to portage around it.  I paddled and paddled and paddled.  Finally, I came to an area where there were a few houses lining the bank.  I came around a bend and saw a bridge with the finish line just beyond.  This was it.  The final 600 yards.  I gave it everything I had.  I wasn't going to pass anyone but I wanted to get the best time I could.  I saw Kayak Raider standing on the bridge as I came up to it.  A photographer snapped my picture.  I went under the bridge and passed the finish line.  Time:  3hrs.  6mins.  7secs.  I was 7th in the men's solo unlimited category.  Here's a list of the final results.  As you can see, I was last in my class.  I was disappointed in the results, but I probably shouldn't be.  I hadn't trained a lot and I was in probably the slowest boat in the class.  Plus, the boat leaked causing it to be heavier.  I lost too much time at the portages and by not staying in the current.  I lost time by having regular water bottles instead of hands-free tubes like most racers have.  If I did the race again today I think I could easily shave off 5 or 6 minutes in the same boat.  That would have put me 4th or 5th in my class, which I would have been happy with.  In a faster boat there's no telling.  Here's some pictures from the race.  I think I'm in #9 and #33 in the second batch.  That last picture is right before the finish.  I was hurting.

There was a barbecue at the finish line and I was pleased to see not a few people drinking beers.  I didn't, even thought I REALLY, REALLY wanted to, because I had to drive.  I talked to a few of the other paddlers.  We left, returned my boat and headed back to Houston.

Earlier this week I posted the highlights of my race on the paddlers' message board because some of the guys were interested in my experience.  Everyone fixated on the part about me getting spun out by the aluminum boat and it turned into this huge deal.  You can read it here.

Next race will probably be the Martindale Triathlon, which I'm doing with Allbilly.  Until then, lots and lots of training.  I've got a long way to go.  If I was hurting that bad after 16.5 miles there is no way I'm going to last the 260 miles of the Safari.

WGW!!??

Tyrell Gatewood, WTF!!!!!????

Houston Gym Sucks

I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome Houston Gym to the Redeye Blacklisted Businesses Group.  Houston Gym joins Microcenter and Wells Fargo on the Blacklist as businesses that will never, ever see another spot of business from me.  I'd like to thank Bobby Thompson and Cedric "Frosted Tips" Moreno, resident idiots, for making this new addition to the Blacklist possible. 

Houston Gym is home to Houston's wannabe roid rage set and sports a lowbrow clientele and set of trainers not fit for more glamorous places like Houston Fit, Bally's or basically anywhere else.  The inconsistency in their rates and policies is legendary.  Every employee there seems to have a different idea of how much it costs to join the gym, bring a guest or sign up for classes.  And when a member brings up one of these inconsistencies, management's approach is to accuse the member of trying to scam the gym!  Folks, that's customer service and a real schooling on how to get and retain customers.

So with both rods highly in the air and pointed in your general direction, Houston Gym, welcome to the Blacklist!!

Training for the Texas Water Safari Part III: Master of the Rainmaker

Last week I rerigged the Rainmaker to add some stability.  I cut off the 1-1/2 inch thick pad covering the seat and replaced it with a 3/8 pad.  I lowered the seat brackets by about 1-1/2 inches.  So in total I was able to lower the seat by about 2 inches.  Believe it or not, that little bit makes a huge difference.  I brought back some plastic 3 liter soda bottles from POC that my grandfather had been hoarding for about twelve years.  ("They're gonna come in handy some day!"  Yep, they sure did.  Two of the twenty six are now being used.)  I planned to fill them up with water to use as ballast.  I also installed some padding around the cockpit because I had bruised myself up pretty badly the times before from falling out so much.  I also duct taped over some rough edges that had ripped the skin off my shins.  All of the modifications were about as much as I could do to the boat to make it more stable.  I figured if I couldn't stay in it this time that I might have to consider doing something else for a practice boat.  I wasn't worried too much about the thinner pad.  Besides, at this point I'm willing to sacrifice some comfort just to be able to stay in the boat.

Yesterday I took the boat back down to Oyster Creek.  Even though the water sucks and it's choked with water plants in some areas there really aren't any better alternatives close by.  I looked at Braes Bayou this week, but it was flowing too fast to paddle upstream so I'd have to have someone either pick me up or plant a car.  Buffalo Bayou still creeps me out, although many people have said the upper portions are actually really nice.  Still, the thought of paddling it downtown scares me.  Thinking of all the runoff and dead junkies floating under bridges makes my skin crawl.  So I drove down to Sugar Land to the same spot as before.  I put the boat in the water and took off.  I noticed an immediate difference in stability.  Before, almost all my focus and energy went into staying upright.  This time the boat felt stable and I could actually concentrate on my stroke and form.  I decided to try to paddle the 7.1 mile loop that is done by other Safari paddlers from Houston who train there.  I had only seen about 1/2 mile of it; some of that from the road.  So this was going to be as much an exploration and adventure as a training run.  The water was still hot and brownish.  There are water plants in most places; pretty thick in some areas.  Houses from subdivisions back up to about 70% of the banks.  There's a golf course on a small part of it.  Some of it looks wild with plants and trees growing along the bank that you can't see through.  I decided to push myself pretty hard.  One of the guys who trains there has a chart showing your avg mph if you do the 7.1 mile loop in a certain time so I decided to get a rough gauge of where I was at by that.  I used the rudder a lot, which cuts your speed, so that I could stay close to the bank in case I fell out and had to swim.  That also meant that I wasn't taking the shortest possible route.  I went under the 59 bridge and it was dark and scary under there.  Very little headroom and the perfect place to dump a dead prostitute.  I DID NOT want to dump under there.  I ain't gonna lie - I would've screamed.  I passed this particularly foul-smelling spot where I saw a pipe coming into the water.  I didn't really want to know.  There were places where both banks were choked with trees and bushes and vines and full of snakes and nutria (water rats) and shit.  Numerous times the boat scared some creature under the water that left a boil of mud as it swam away.  There's rumors of alligators being found there every few years.  Needless to say, there were plenty of places where I really, really didn't want to fall in the water.  There were 3 or 4 times when I almost went over, but I never did.  I didn't dump once.  I estimated that it took me about 90 minutes to do 7.1 miles and probably less.  I wasn't wearing my runner's stopwatch because it's not waterproof, so I don't know my exact time.  My time could've been less by 15 minutes, but probably not.  Worst case, 7.1 miles at 90 minutes is 4.66 mph.  Not bad considering my current training and fitness level and considering that I stopped once when I really didn't need to and I didn't take the short course.  All in all it was my best solo training run by far.

NCAA Football Week 2

Well, the Horns finally showed up this season.  It took them until the second half, but there are signs of life in DKR.  It wasn't the sort of dominating, spiked-cock-ass-fucking that, say, OU put on Miami or LSU put on VT, but hey, we'll take what we can get at this point.  Maybe this team is just going to take some time to mature and gel.  As Snake put it to me last night at half time, "Successful college football programs have to set themselves up for a 'run' where all of their best players are mature at the same time with enough experience in the supporting cast not to be a liability."  I'm paraphrasing here, but the gist is absolutely right - managing players' tenures on the team is one of the key and most difficult components of engineering a national championship caliber team.  This year the Horns are suffering from the O-line and the secondary being behind that curve.  The problems with the running game are directly linked to the O-line's inability to open lanes for Charles.  The pocket keeps collapsing on passing plays.  I'll gulp and say that Greg Davis made a good adjustment by sprinting Colt out of the pocket on passing plays in the second half.  That nullified the penetration that TCU's blitzing and stunting created.  The secondary actually didn't do too bad.  Erick Jackson had a couple of big hits and Marcus Griffin was all over the ball all night.  Maybe he's better than I gave him credit for.  Foster and Palmer showed improvement.  Their cushions were less than last week.  Hopefully this game will give them confidence that they can build on.  And if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times, Scott Derry is a great player.  He is very rarely out of position, is a solid tackler and always seems to be around the ball.  Our linebackers as a whole are an awesome unit.  Maybe the deepest we've ever had.  Norton came out.  Muckleroy was solid.  Anytime you hold an opponent to 43 yards rushing for the game you're doing something right.  All in all, I'd grade the game a solid B.  We're starting to play to our potential and it looks like some of the new starters and youngsters are starting to "get it."  I still think we'd get blown out by OU if the game was played today, but we've got 3 games between now and then.

LSU is making a strong case for No. 1 in the country.  They've put the breeches on Miss. St. and VT.  All the experts seem to agree - thus far this season, LSU has looked the best.  USC doesn't have a body of work yet and WVa has Slaton and White, but what else?

The No-White-After-Labor-Day Post

  1. This post has absolutely nothing to do with wearing white after Labor Day.  I titled the post this way because it's right after Labor Day.  That, and I read some article about how the tradition or rules or whatever about not wearing white after Labor Day are going by the wayside.  So says the fashionista who wrote the article.
  2. This time of year marks the period where the female readership goes, "Oh gawd, not another goddamned football post."  I know, I know.  You're normally expecting such wit, such charm, such insight, such bullshit.  But it's like this - come September 1st, I grow lots more body hair, shower less, speak more in grunts and drag my knuckles on the ground when I walk.  I like football, okay?  Next to strip clubs, football remains one of the last bastions of manliness we have, okay?  Don't worry, it'll all be over in early January or when the 'Horns lose 3 games, whichever comes first.
  3. The phrase "wreck shop" appears to be the new "in" phrase.  It means "to kick ass," or, "do really well."  As in, "Yeah, I think I'm just going to chill here for a while and try to wreck shop on some skanks while I figure out what I'm gong to do."
  4. Nothing to report on the Safari training front.  I'm still running and lifting weights regularly, but I haven't paddled in a while.  I took the Rainmaker to POC for the weekend, but never found the opportunity to take it out.  The weather sucked almost the whole time and we had family/friend activities going on.  Last night I rigged the Rainmaker the way I've been meaning to for a while.  I lowered the seat by about 2 inches by replacing the foam cushion with a thinner one and by using longer bolts where the seat actually mounts to the boat.  2 inches doesn't sound like a lot, but it should help significantly.  I also put foam padding all around the cockpit.  I had bruises all over my body from banging the sides on my way out.  They will also provide cushioning when I hang my legs over the gunnels while I'm resting.  I put duct tape around some sharp edges around the cockpit to avoid any more abrasions when I fall out.  I'm anxious to get on the water and see how well my improvements work.
  5. So the summer's over.  I know that technically summer lasts until the third week in September, but Labor Day marks the unofficial end of summer.  It's a bummer.  Especially since this summer was marred by so damned much rain.