Cursed With Ambition

Diatribe

This post will not be well written, but what the fuck. The main reason I'm doing it is to hopefully relieve some of the guilt of not doing it. All of a sudden blogging has become an obligation - like I need another one of those.

Anyway, I suppose there has been a lot going on. Many things I've been wanting to write about, but haven't. That's one of the things about being Cursed With Ambition. This blog could easily be called "Easily Disappoints Self" or "Too Hard on Self."

Safari doesn't allow most of the editing features that Explorer on a PC does, so some of the outlining elements will be missing here (I'm posting from home) and will make this a little harder to read probably.

THE DARK SPOTS

I'm constantly self-assessing. Probably too much. I've also been doing it for a really, really long time. Anytime you spend a lot of time and effort on something there are going to be some positive results. The positive results of over two decades of introspection is that I know myself really, really well and I know what affects my moods. I can also explain those things to other people, which comes in handy in relationships. Over the last couple of weeks I've been kind of down, which also partially explains the lack of posting activity on this blog. The main reasons are: 1) Being exposed, by force of competition, as not really that good at darts, 2) Suffering my first significant defeat as a lawyer.

DARTS

For most of you, the world of the game of darts is foreign. I was completely wrong in my perception of the darts culture when I first started playing or I would never have gotten this deep into it. There have probably been books written on this subject, but here's my brief explanation. Playing darts is free. That is, you don't have to feed dollars or quarters into a machine to play (Soft tip darts is an exception, but that's not a purist's game. And besides, fuck soft tip darts). The game is mostly played at bars and most bars have complimentary darts that you can check out with your ID. I've got advanced equipment with spare parts and tools and I'm probably in for less than $150. With the bar to entry set that low, financially speaking, people of little means can participate. If you want to get right down to it, all you really need are three darts, preferably metal. The bar supplies the board and scoreboard. Also, the game does not require any endurance, strength or athletic ability. I could argue that it takes superior hand/eye coordination, but I really don't think it does.
Most serious dart players are overweight, smoke and drink pretty heavily. In a word, they're slobs. I mean, just look at the professional players. For some people, they play because they fit in. For me, the people are an obstacle. Don't get me wrong, there are some characters and some people who I would hang out with outside of the game. (One guy, for example, smiles wide and says, "Boogie!" when you ask him how he's doing.) And, I really like all the guys on my team, but by and large I have a relatively low opinion of everyone else. As I'm sure most outsiders do.
The only thing that separates really, really good players from the good and average is lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of practice. My own experiences have born this out. I enjoyed a spike in my game when I went from being an average player to being a good player. The reason was simple. When I was editing my documentary I had a lot of 15 and 20 minute blocks of time while I was waiting for the computer to render video clips or effects that I had just put together. I would set the computer to a-renderin' and I'd get up and throw darts until it was done. I probably averaged throwing darts 4 hours a day for 6-8 weeks. Now I don't practice at all. The only time I throw is during the weekly match. I try to show up around 30 minutes before the match is supposed to start and throw until the first legs, but that's it. Your typical Houston A League player practices every day. Some for hours a day. I just don't have the time to practice. Well, let me rephrase that - I would have to sacrifice other areas of my life to get competitive at the A League level of dart playing. Don't get me wrong - I hate losing - but I just can't see putting my new job or my relationship in jeopardy. Throw in time to exercise, do domestic shit, go to POC and all the other shit I do and I, well, you get the picture. My team has been getting it's ass kicked by an average score of like 4-9. I went from a .750 winning percentage to a .250. I have been able to lose gracefully, but it's a lot more fun to win. Being Cursed With Ambition, I'm like rat in a maze trying to figure out way to create time to practice so that I can be one of the best. Realistically, for the reasons I've stated, I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it happen. I think I am just about ready to face being an average to below average A League dart player.

LAW

This post is getting too long and I'm getting hungry so I'm going to make this quick. Basically, I "caught a case" at work. "Caught a case" is actually prison slang for being convicted of a crime committed while in prison, but I'm using to mean that I got a really hairy case. The kind that most sensible lawyers would run from. I'm too new to know any better.
First of all, my client is totally fucking neurotic and paranoid. Second of all, it's a case that has become almost exclusively about principle. Those are the fucking worst. I already know enough to know that. Thirdly, I've got bad facts that get worse every day. My client gets pissed off and usually ends up screaming into the phone, "Fine! I'm guilty! Just let him take all my stuff!" then hangs up on me when I ask about sensitive topics or point out weaknesses in our case. All this even though I've learned to preface these little talks with, "Now this isn't the end of the world, but..." or, "I have to deal with the good aspects of our case and the bad. That's why I have to ask you about..."
There are so many weird aspects to this case that even if I felt safe writing about them here it would take reams and reams of zero's and one's to display them and nobody would believe me anyway.
Anyway, I didn't know where to start when the thing landed in my lap so I went and talked to one of the senior attorneys in my firm about it. He walked me through all of the steps and I carried each one out like I had been doing it for years. We had the other side on the run. In fact, for about 24 hours we had turned the defendant into a fugitive. It looked like we were set up for a sweeping victory. Then everything I did got vacated by the judge because of a lack of jurisdiction. We had caselaw to support our position that the court did have jurisdiction, but the judge would have had to be brave. He wasn't; we got screwed. I was really, really deflated. I told my GF more than once that there is no way that I can let my mood be determined by shit that happens at work. Not only did I feel badly for my client and for getting a bad result and spending a lot of money in the process, but I felt like the system had failed. My opponent, the defendant, took the law into his own hands, avoided service, violated court orders and skipped town to avoid the constable and he got rewarded for it. I'm not naive enough to think that the court system is the deliverer of justice, but this was a real kick in the nuts.
I'm not giving up or anything and I'll get over this one, but it's been a real lesson.

The Post I Was Guilted Into By Billy and By the Thoughts of the Other Six Readers

You know, I just took for granted that you people knew that I was busy and that's why I wasn't posting much lately. But NOOOO. Launching a career just isn't as good of an excuse as it used to be I guess.

Seriously, my job is starting to kick my ass. I got a new case in last week and it was an emergency deal so I had to shove everything else on my desk aside for almost 3 full days. (It's a landlord/tenant dispute where the landlord has locked my client out of his business premises. He hasn't been able to gain access or open his business since the Friday before Easter.) I spent almost all day Thursday drafting a petition for conversion and breach of contract and a request for a temporary restraining order. I finished drafting the documents and marshalling all my exhibits that I was attaching to the petition by around 9pm. I had a mandatory CLE at 8am on Friday that lasted until about 12:45. Then I went to file my petition and TRO. Getting the TRO was an odyssey. Since I don't know what the fuck I'm doing I'm constantly afraid that I'm fucking something up. I didn't make any mistakes, but I definitely showed my ignorance a few times. Not in front of the judge though - I kept up the illusion that I had some clue while I was at the bench. This process is something that would make the kind of story that I could tell very well, but I'm pretty fearful about posting about clients and cases here, so I don't think I can do it. I will say that Friday afternoon was some of the best experience I've gotten since I started. I had a front row seat, hell, I participated in the mechanical workings of the court system and government-in-action. The biggest lesson I learned is really a reinforcement of very good advice I got from some of the lawyers who have mentored me - be nice to the court staff and the people in the clerk's office. This cannot be overstated enough. I needed over a dozen different actions from a dozen different recalcitrant people and I was able to get them all by being NICE. I didn't get cute and I didn't beg and I certainly NEVER showed frustration or anger. If I did I would have been shut down then and there. Believe me, there were plenty of chances for me to lose it. Anyway, my guy's store still isn't open, but every day that he has to be closed because his landlord locked him out is another day's worth of lost sales that is going into my damages model.

I've also been busy trying to unpack and get my new house in order. As of this morning we still had about 1/4 of the boxes untouched. We got most of it done today, but we didn't get anywhere close to the bottom of the to-do list we've created for the move-in. I'm probably about to drop some significant coin on furniture - something I've never really done before. Tomorrow will probably be spent furniture shopping. We are also trying to decide between buying lawncare equipment and doing our lawn ourselves (myself) or hiring someone else to do it. I actually like doing yard work but I'm afraid I'm going to have a hard time finding enough time for it. I figure I would have to spend around $250 to get a cheap mower and weedeater. I haven't priced lawn service, but I'm guessing 30-40 bucks every two weeks. So in about 3 months time the cost of lawn service will have started to outstrip the cost of the equipment.

On the darts front, the last two weeks have been tough. Two matches ago I probably played the worst darts I've played since I started in league back in the fall. It was miserable and I was depressed for two days. I decided I simply needed to get some practice, any practice, in just to stay sharp week to week. I practiced for a couple of hours the night before our last match and I did okay. Not great, but okay. I went one-on-one with the best player in Houston in cricket and was humiliated. The first leg I didn't even close a number. I actually dropped some points on him in the second leg, but the game was never in question. About the only thing I could do was lose gratiously, which I did. Our team is currently in last place by 2 games. If we finish the season in the cellar, we drop down to the A-minus league again. I predict that my team is going to catch a stride and finish second to last and stay in the A Division for next season.

Once the house is in order and I catch up on some work I should be able to post again with more regularity.

Must Share

I've been browsing the urban dictionary site or whatever (too effing lazy to post a link).  My two current favorites are blumpkin, which is blowjob while the fellated is defecating, and balloon knot, meaning anus.

Damn that's funny.

Excuses, Excuses

Really sorry for the lack of posting activity.  Here are my excuses:

1. Moved last weekend.  Spent the prior week putting all of my crap into boxes and bringing those boxes and other loose stuff from the third floor to the second floor.  Decided with less than a week to go that I had to hire movers.  They gave me a rate of $85/hr (if I paid cash) on the phone.  I estimated it would take about 3 hours to get all of my stuff out of my apartment along with the few things the GF had there, all of her stuff out of the 10X10 storage unit and everything into the new house.  The movers showed up on time.  The crew consisted of 2 guys:  Robert, whose favorite bands no doubt include Tesla, Iron Maiden and Metallica, and Ira, a broken-down old black man.  Despite appearances, the guys worked really hard, didn't take too many breaks and were professional.  I worked right alongside of them just as hard as they did.  Five hours later Robert informed me that the rate was $89/hr plus a $30 "fuel charge" that the person on the phone failed to tell me about.  I wasn't happy about the unexpected extra cost or the fact that it took 2 hours longer than I thought, but we really couldn't have worked any faster.  One thing is clear, the the GF and I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH CRAP!  The irony is, when I suffered through my last move 3-1/2 years ago I vowed to get rid of a bunch of stuff so I wouldn't have to move it again.  Yet there I was, moving all this useless shit.  Again!  And paying for it!  Anyway, it's done.  But man did it suck.
2. Really, really, really busy at work.  The horror story about young lawyers being worked to the bone is coming true for me.  I have at least 30 cases on my desk right now, several of which I am solely responsible for.  At least it's rewarding work like evicting families from their homes.

Here's a weird thought for that ass:

What would have happened if the asteroid had not hit the Earth and wiped out the dinosaurs?  Would they have evolved into sensient beings?  Would mammals and primates, hence humans, have evolved?  What if there are two possible evolutionary tracks for sensient water-based life to evolve in the universe - the reptilian and the mammalian?  Say the reptilians are violent and aggressive while the mammalian is peace-loving. And what if in far off galaxies, advanced civilizations of both have been warring for eons?  Say that the survival of both lines has been threatened.  Say also that the mammalian strain has determined that one way to fight the war is to nip the reptilian evolutionary strain in the bud by sending a projectile to newly developing planets to wipe out the budding reptilian evolution.  Say also that they built this projectile with compounds and elements that upon impact are released into the atmosphere and make the environment favorable for the mammalian strain to come into existence and evolve.