Cursed With Ambition

Transsexuals, Geriatrics and Jewish Realtors

This post is to fill in the gap until I come up with some postable material.

1. I played darts against my first transsexual last night.  Was a female, now a male.  Name of Karl.  Had a beard and everything.  It was a little weird but he was a nice person (and a decent dart thrower).  I kept wanting to ask whether the doctors built him a dick.
2. Advice:  Don't compliment a girl with the following:  "You have the cutest little paunch."  I actually saw somebody do this.  Got nowhere fast.  In the guy's defense, he was pretty wasted.  I guess you'd have to be.
3. I volunteered to help an old fellow move a piece of furniture recently.  When we got it to his house his wife was there and asked me what I was doing for lunch.  They wanted to repay me even though it was unnecessary.  I told them I had no lunch plans, even though I was anxious to get back to my office.  I thought they were going to take me to some restaurant or something.  Instead, they took me to two open houses that realtors were hosting (she's a realtor and knew the hosting realtors).  They had free food so that was the deal.  Chips, guacamole and Dr. Pepper at one, sandwiches at the other.  Old people, man.
4. At the open house with the guacamole, the old fellow that I'd helped tried to bite into an avocado pit.  When he chomped down it sounded like he broke every tooth in his head.  At first I thought that he knew something I didn't know - that avocado pits are edible.  In fact, he thought it was a radish.  Why a radish would be in guacamole I haven't a clue.
5. The two realtors who were hosting the open houses were a husband and wife team who happened to be Jewish.  The male Jewish realtor kept bragging about his tie that he'd bought at the $.99 store.  (I thought it was a shitty tie.)  I didn't know he was Jewish though, until the old woman said, "I'm prejudiced against Jewish people, but they do allright."  Wow.  I was so tempted to tell her I was Jewish.
6. That whole episode with the old couple and the Jewish realtors was absolutely surreal.  Like something out of a Charlie Kaufman movie.

The Hunt for a Job in October

The latest big news is that I found a J-O-B. I accepted the offer over two weeks ago, finished out my final two weeks at Adams & Boswell and started my new job on Monday. The new firm is Adair & Myers. I don't know why I waited so long to post this news. For some reason I thought it prudent; possibly out of respect for my former boss, John Boswell. I worked for him for nearly two and a half years. It was my first law job and first experience of any kind with a law firm. As far as mentors go, I could not have had a better one. The man is a class act, knows everybody, is a consummate professional and has probably forgotten more law than I'll ever know. It was tougher than I thought to say goodbye to many of the folks there. I had developed pretty close relationships with many of the attorneys and staff members at the firm and it was hard to part with them. Everyone wants to know why I didn't stay with them. All I can say is that they did make me an offer, but for several reasons this new opportunity was simply better.

I'm very happy about where I landed. Adair & Myers (they shorten it to A&M sometimes, which is annoying as shit) is a small firm with a wider set of practice areas than the old firm. That means I'm going to get exposure to a lot of different things, which I really wanted. In the two days I've been there I've already worked on a patent infringement case and a bankruptcy case - two things I've never been exposed to. Plus, it's a really good group of guys. In the end, that factor more than anything else probably carried the most weight.

The hardest thing about the whole process was the fact that the GF lives in Austin and I was efforting job opps there as well to try to get where she is. Obviously, I really want to be where she is because, let's face it - long distance relationships are horseshit. In fact, I was prepared to make some pretty big career sacrifices to move there. I have to say, the GF was a total champ about the whole thing and was and is supportive of my decision. (And yes, I am shamelessly trying to score points with her by writing this.) In the end though, it was too difficult to pass up a sure-thing that was a really good offer here in Houston for something that was totally uncertain in Austin.

For those current and future job seekers out there, let me give you some details and recap what I learned through this whole ordeal:

-Preparation pays off bigtime. Just like in law school, if you do the work and are prepared, you reap benefits. I researched hundreds of firms, reviewed tons of job postings, made my application packets perfect (resume, cover letter, writing sample, references, etc.) and boned up on all of the hiring statistics I could including salary information, size of firms people end up in, peak hiring times, etc. Doing all of this took a lot of time and energy, but every one of these things I mentioned came into play and factored in to my relative success at finding a job.
-Volume counts for a lot. You can play the odds with job postings you find through the CRC, on Symplicity or Lawcrossing, but I got my job from a blind mailing of my resume. Send out as many as you possibly can.
-It takes a while to get set up to do a mass mailout, believe it or not. You've got to tweak the resume and have several cover letters tailored to each of the types of firms you are applying for. You have to go in and change the names and addresses on each cover letter (or at least you should) and sometimes it's really hard to find out who in the hell you should address it to. My rule of thumb was this: go to the firm's website (if they even had one) and see if they had a recruiting coordinator or a hiring partner. If so, I'd address it to them. If they had neither I would address it to a named partner. If there was no named partner I'd either address is to the first partner who appeared on the list on Martindale or to any partner who practiced in the area I was interested in. If none of the above, I'd address it to the firm and put "Dear Sir or Madam" as the salutation. I got to where I could turn out about 12 applications consisting of my resume and a customized cover letter in about three hours.
-The most time consuming part was determining what firms to blindly send an application to. I had a pretty complicated set of criteria that I won't go into, but I did it at the same time as the mailouts so that the information I had on each firm would be fresh in my mind and also so that as I visited each firm's website and Martindale profile I could cut and paste names and addresses into my cover letters. By the way, Martindale's formatting is fucked, so that was an endless source of frustration. Anyway, after a while you can get in a zone and churn them out.
-Being armed with accurate salary information paid big dividends during the negotiations once I actually got interviews. I met with the hiring partners at the firm that eventually hired me four separate times and talked to them on the phone twice more. One thing having information did for me was give me confidence. These people are seasoned negotiators but I felt like I was on solid ground with the information I had. I could back up what I was asking for and because of that I had no problem asking for what I wanted. I was totally up front with them about where I got my information. They could have checked my info but I'm not sure they did anything other than take my word for it. Things would have been totally different if I had just thrown out some random number with no basis in anything. I would have probably been way off the mark or undershot to be safe. Regardless, I wouldn't have had any credibility and they would have sensed that right away. I don't know for sure, but in their eyes I might have looked like some kind of authority on the subject because they knew that I'd done my research. That gave me a pretty solid bargaining position. I didn't make out like a bandit or anything, but they came in significantly higher in the end than their initial offer and I ended up in the average range for a firm of that size, which was all I wanted. (Again, I'm discussing salary shit for the benefit of those who are going through or have yet to go through this process and not for any other reason.)
-You never know what is going to be the factor that gets you hired. In my situation, I think one small line on my resume, which had nothing to do with law school and only very little to do with job experience, is the thing that initially caught their eye. That, and after meeting with me the first time I told them that if they hired me that I was going to need to give my current firm a full two weeks notice out of respect for them and also to wrap up my part of some cases that I was heavily involved in for the firm. The lawyer who hired me told me later that my insistance on giving notice was one of the things that solidified the deal. If I had to give advice on how best to play this factor I would say to load your resume with every fucking detail you can. Even things you don't think are significant. Fill the page up, but not so much that it goes over a page.
-I can't put everything I observed up here so if anybody has any specific questions or wants any more information feel free to comment or email me.

Bloggadocio

You heard it here first:  "Work is the downfall of the blogging man."  And its only going to get worse for me.  More details on that later.

Here are the posts that have been deep-sixed because of employment:

• New Houston Smoking Ban
• Texas Gubernatorial Race
• Stoked I'm Not Briefing Cases for Class Right Now
• Job Hunt Status
• Poorly Done (A survey of things we frequently encounter that suck, but shouldn't)

Texas 28, OU 10

Well, I'm a day late with my take on the TX/OU game.  Here goes:

1. For starters, this was the best game UT has played all season.  All pistons were firing.
2. The thing that stood out the most for me was the hitting.  Michael Griffin, Marcus Griffin, Brian Robison and Erick Jackson all had jarring hits that I remember.  There were 8 or 9 bone-crushing hits by UT in the game.  Anyone who ever called UT "soft" (I don't know how they ever could have in the first place) can now eat some motherfucking crow.  The best part is, OU didn't have an answer.  The hitting was one-sided except for one play - in the third quarter when Robert Killebrew recovered a fumble and ran it forward, Adrian Peterson laid one of the strongest blows I have ever seen in a football game.  I seriously thought that Killebrew's head was going to come off.  At the least I thought he would have sustained a very serious injury.  From the camera angle I saw it looked vicious, but it must have been a glancing blow because Killebrew walked off the field.
3. Colt McCoy is a stud.  I admit, at the beginning of this season I had my doubts.  He was only a 3-star recruit (by Rivals scale) coming out of high school.  I don't think he was ever recruited to be a starter.  I think Brown had a faint hope that VY would stay another year and then there was the Perrilloux debacle.  But I have to say, I'm glad things worked out the way they did.  McCoy's gifts are not physical - he doesn't have a rocket arm, size or speed - but he does have what is most important to a quarterback, savvy and composure.  He'll start for the next three years, barring injury.  Sucks for Jevan.  It's great to have him as a backup but I wouldn't be surprised if he transferred.
4. Our defense is lights out.  I projected that we were going to hold Peterson, one of the top 3 backs in the country and on a good team, to less than 100 yards rushing.  I was off by 9 yards.  In my opinion, we have only one minor weakness - we are one defensive back short.  I already think that the Huff/C. Griffin combo from last year is a grade better than this year's 1-2 DB combo of Ross/T. Brown.  Still, our two corners are really good and the fact is that it really doesn't get much better.  Michael Griffin is solid - he's a big hitter and playmaker.  I think sometimes he misses coverages, but it's hard to tell exactly who is blowing assignments, which has happened four or five times this season.  The weak link is Marcus Griffin and all of the other guys they've trotted out there in the other safety spot.  Marcus is smaller and slower than his brother and yet he appears to be the best of the lot that includes Matt Melton, Erick Jackson, Robert Joseph and Oduegwu.  Individually, we've got three out of four really good DBs.  As a unit they've shown some weaknesses.
5. O-line.  Best in the country.  Anytime you can get six yards on a quarterback sneak you know you've got some hosses.  The unsung core strength of the Texas Longhorn football program.  We recruit better in this area than any other.  Mac McWhorter deserves praise.
6. Future.  We should own OU for at least the next two seasons.  We're losing 3 starting offensive linemen and Selvin Young on offense and Michael Griffin and both CBs and DEs on defense.  We're reloading on the O-line so I don't see that as a problem.  Jamaal Charles will step in as the featured back next season instead of the 1-2 punch we've got now.  As long as he stays healthy he should have a really good year.  On defense, replacing Crowder and especially Robison won't be easy, but Orakpo and the Aaron Lewis/Lamarr Houston combo have gotten some PT and should be okay.  Our weakness will be in the secondary as we've got to hope that Chykie Brown, Deon Beasley and others step up.  We've also got the No. 1 recruiting class in the country coming in.  Plus, OU is down right now.  The Bomar scandal and officiating snafus have set a two-year tone.  They're losing a lot of key players (Thompson, Burdine, Ah You, Alexander) in the offseason too.
7. Nat'l Championship.  It's real simple -we need other teams to lose.  Specifically, Florida, USC and West Virginia (but not to Louisville).  OSU and Michigan play each other so one of them is automatically out.  We'd play the winner of that game.  Obviously there are several scenarios.  I give us about a 15% chance.

A Sooner is a Cheater

So this weekend is TX-OU.  Last year I said that I was going to make TX-OU an annual event, permanently ebedded in my schedule.  That didn't really work out.  Maybe next year.  I need to get a reliable way to get tickets.  Last year's game was my brother Jake's last weekend in the states before being shipped out to Iraq.

So here's my take on this year's game:

1. Matchups  The biggest matchup is going to be OU's running offense versus UT's running defense.  First, Peterson can't do it all by himself.  I see him getting tore up this game because Stoops calls his number way too often, Peterson calls his own number too often, he's a reckless player and thinks he's invincible.  He's not.  I look for Robison, Okam, Bobino, Kelson and the rest of the gang to put a hurtin' on him and limit him to less than 100 yards rushing.  Edge:  Texas
2. The Quarterbacks  Both Thompson and McCoy are first-year starters.  Both have been better than expected.  McCoy's already been tested on the big stage against Ohio State this year.  This will be the first time Thompson faces elite talent.  I look for him to make some mistakes early.  Edge:  Texas
3. Leading Up  Stoops has had two weeks to prepare for UT.  UT had essentially had a tuneup scrimmage last week.  I think I'd rather have a tuneup scrimmage than a bye week leading up to a big game.  But that's just me.  Scheming for a game doesn't take longer than a week.  Anything more than that and you start overthinking it or, worse, second-guessing.  Besides, every year both teams install new formations, stunts, alignments and plays for this game so all of the game-planning goes right out the window after the first few plays anyway.  Unlike years past, both teams have an early season loss.  Texas lost soundly to current No. 1 Ohio State.  OU got doinked in a game against an Oregon team currently ranked 11.  Edge:  Even
4. Sooners vs. Longhorns  I actually checked this out on the the Sooners' website - a "Sooner" really is a cheater.  See, the state of Oklahoma (then the Oklahoma territory) sucks so bad, I mean the actual land and shit, that the U.S. government was giving it away for free to anyone, anyone who would come and claim it.  Well, all of the toothless degenerates from around the world and the gutters of northeastern U.S. cities came to the Oklahoma territory to claim their free land.  These people became the genetic pool for modern day Oklahomans.  There were rules involved in the land grab.  That is, all of these people were supposed to line up at a starting line of sorts and at a specified time rush out to the plot of land they wanted to claim.  Well, some people cheated and left early from the starting line - they were called Sooners.  Oklahomans condone and value cheating so much that they decided to use "Sooners" as the mascot for their sports teams.  Longhorns, on the other hand, are the descendants of Spanish cattle herds that went wild in the south Texas brushland wastes.  Over the centuries they grew long, sharp horns to defend themselves against wolves and coyotes.  The Longhorn is unique to Texas and symbolizes the rough independence inspired by the state.  Edge:  Texas
5. Spirit Squads  Texas has those chicks in the assless chaps.  OU has those faggots who shoot off fake shotguns and drive around that miniature conestoga being pulled by miniature ponies.  Need I say more.  No, but I will - OU's cheerleaders simply don't hold a candle to UT's spirit groups.  Edge:  Texas

Seriously, this list could be 132 points long, with Texas holding the edge in every category (except number of Nat'l Championships won in football - grrrrr.)  In lieu, here's one more thing:  OU has 39 players on its roster from the state of Texas including their starting QB and all-everything stud running back.

Heaven Bound

Billy's father passed away last week; the funeral was yesterday.  Billy's dad's name is Robert Walter Skinner and he battled cancer for a really long time.  I know that Billy would never invite sympathy on himself, so I'm getting the word out in case anyone wants to drop a kind word or two.  You can comment here or email him at billyskinner@gmail.com  Myself, I never know what to say when someone loses a loved one.  Basically there is nothing you can say because death is totally fucked.  There are two things that make it better:  1) No matter the duration and despite all of the bad things, living life is a joy, and 2) There is hope that we live on in one way or another.

If anyone cares to make a donation to the American Cancer Society on behalf of Billy's dad, you can do so online here or by calling 1-800-227-2345.  You'll need Billy's dad's full name and an address for them to send a card to.  Billy's address is 1328 Bomar #4, Houston, Texas 77006 and his mom's address is 3517 Diana Dr., Longview, Texas 75602.

Billy is fond of posting song lyrics on his blog.  I wish I had a bigger catalogue of songs to draw from for some appropriate words.  The Kelly Willis song, Heaven Bound, is the best I could do:

Electricity roared but you looked so bored on the line
Nobody knows how it felt to see that cannonball melt in your mind
Calling all cars, one less dog behind bars, one less man in pain
It hurts to see you go but darling don't you know we're so glad you came

And you'll stay gone a long, long time
Day by day you'll fly across our minds
Only a fool would want to stick around
When you're heaven bound

Disconnect the phone, heart from bone, voice from mind
So sad and blue, how'd you do, of course you did just fine
So grab a tail on this big gray whale and do your best to stay brave
In that final hour he was just a beautiful flower that couldn't be saved

And you'll stay gone a long, long time
Day by day you'll fly across our minds
Only a fool would want to stick around
When you're heaven bound

And you'll stay gone a long, long time
Day by day you'll fly across our minds
Only a fool would want to stick around
When you're heaven bound

Beantown

Got back yesterday from Boston, Mass.  It was my first time in New England.  The closest I'd ever been was Georgia.  I went up there for my cousin's wedding.  Here are my observations:

1. You can't throw a fucking stone without hitting a college or university anywhere near or around the city.
2. The accents of the people were not as pronounced as I thought they'd be.  (I was annoying the shit out of the GF, though, with my "I'm going to pahk the cah and get some clam chowdah" lines.)
3. New England is beautiful in the fall.  It screams Mayflower, Plymouth Rock, Pilgrims, Indians, turkey, colorful leaves and shit.  The leaves have only just begun turning and it was still very pretty.
4. They love them some Red Sox.
5. And Patriots.
6. Didn't really see much support for the Celtics or Bruins.
7. Everyone is white.  (Highlight with mouse to reveal.)
8. Lots of trees, rivers and rock outcroppings.
9. It's really easy to see how so much of American culture sprung from this area.
10. I enjoyed having a beer at the original Cheers.

Long story short - I really liked the place.  If I ever go back I'd like to go back and check out Martha's Vineyard and Nantucket.  In fact, of all the places I've been in the U.S., I'd have to rank the Boston area behind only La Jolla, CA and anywhere in Texas.  (Cue Bud Light's "Way Too Proud of Texas Guy" song.)