Ojo Rojo, Zen Master

I was in Austin last weekend for the twofold purpose of visiting the GF and extending the job hunt war to two fronts.  I went for a long run on Sunday on the trails around Town Lake.  I was finishing up my run and cresting the final short hill before I got to my truck when I heard my truck's alarm go off.  I was already nervous about leaving my truck there because I had left my wallet, keys (other than the truck key) and my iPod in the center console.  Normally I would have been running with the iPod, but the battery had died so I stowed it.  I strained to see my truck from 75 yards away.  I couldn't see anyone around it but I started running faster anyway.  When I got a little closer I could see a car pulling out of a parking space behind my truck.  I bolted for the car, which was turning in the middle of the street and heading for the major thoroughfare nearby.  I sprinted the final 40 yards and scanned my truck for broken windows or damage.  Right about that time a woman two cars behind mine poked her head out of her window and hollered, "Hey!  That guy just hit your car!"  The guy who'd hit me wasn't actually running off.  He was turning around to get another parking spot on the other side of the street.  His window was down so I looked straight at him and asked loudly, "Did you just hit my truck?"  "Yeah, I hit it," he said, "But I didn't do any damage."  He turned off his car and got out.  I'll be the judge of that I thought as I went around to the rear of my truck.  I looked at the tailgate and the bumper.  I know every dent and scratch on my truck.  A few months ago I backed into a steel guardrail at the dry cleaners', so the bumper and part of the fender were already dinged.  But I could plainly see a new dent, thin and not very deep, but there.  It ran about six inches and longways.  "There's a new dent here on my bumper," I told the guy as he stood by his car.  He appeared to be about 5'6 and early 50's.  He was dressed in jogging clothes.  He wasn't belligerent or anything, but he clearly didn't think he had damaged my car.  He kept saying that he'd only hit the trailer hitch, which extends out from the bumper several inches.  And I kept responding that there was a new dent in my bumper.  A dent that appeared at roughly the same time as the alarm on my truck sounded, a woman cried out that he'd hit me and right after he had admitting to hitting me.  I asked him as sarcastically as I could if he thought this was a coincidence.  We then went over to his car where he claimed he would be able to prove that he didn't cause the new dent.  His car was some mid-90's model Ford Tempo or something that had at least half a dozen dents and scuffs across the front bumper.  He pointed out, "This dent was already here and so was this one."  I looked at him and then pointed to his bumper, "Well what about this?  Was this already here?  Or this one?"  "Well, um..." was all he could muster before I cut him off again.  "Look man, you are asking me to take your word the same as I'm asking you to take my word that I've got a new dent on my bumper.  Given the circumstances I'm just not willing to do that."  He knew I had the upper hand but I wasn't ready to let it go just yet because the guy was still trying to dismiss this situation and I wanted him to acknowledge that he had just fucked me over in a small way.  We went back and forth a couple more times before I told him, "Look, I don't know what we can do about this.  I am convinced that you just damaged my vehicle and you say you didn't."  "Well," he says, "I could give you my information and everything..."  I was now satisfied.  He'd made a concession.  So I told him, "Well, the damage is pretty slight and the bumper was damaged already and I'm not going to call the cops or make an insurance claim or anything over something this small so I'm just going to drop it."  He said okay and we both stood there dumbly looking at each other not sure what to do next.  So I just got in my truck and drove away and he started jogging toward the head of the trail.

I thought a lot about the whole episode on the drive home.  I felt bad because I'd been pretty harsh with the guy and he obviously had meant no harm and seemed like an otherwise nice guy.  I basically backed him down and forced him to admit that I had him over a barrel before I would concede.  The more I thought about it the more I realized that the reason I reacted that way was because I feel victimized on a day to day basis.  If it's not Wells Fargo trying to fuck me out of my money by charging $250 in overdraft fees for being $7.89 overdrawn after they don't post my paycheck for four days but do post drafts immediately, then it's Sprint disguising their rate plans so that if you go for what appears to be the cheapest option you really end up paying twice as much.  If it's not them it's a tow truck company or the government.  Two potential employers are trying to get me to accept jobs at well below the market rate.  It costs me fifty fucking dollars to fill up my goddamned truck while Exxon publishes $8 billion dollar profits for the quarter.  I had subconsciously arrived at the fact that the whole fucking world is full of predators and parasites and in order to survive I've got to become one too.

This got me to thinking that everyone in the world isn't a predator or a parasite so there must be two kinds of people in the world:  givers and takers.  All sexual inferences aside, what this means is that some people give more to the world than they take and others take more than they give.  Ideally there would be more givers than takers.

What I should've done in the car-bump situation is chuckle and joke with an exaggerated and playful, "Ooooopps!"  He might've said, "Yeah, sorry 'bout that."  To which I should've replied, "Don't worry about it man, my bumper was already messed up.  Have a good run."

Give more than you take.  Don't allow your first reaction to be anger.  You are only a victim if you think you are.  Be nice.  Be friendly.  Be kind.  Laugh about things.

And if none of this shit works, I hear opium is pretty cool.

Comments

[desert boy]

great post. we should all have these insigts from time to time.

[Snake Diggity]

Good post.

I don't someone is either a "giver" or a "taker". I think most people flip flop. Sure, a lot of people mostly take, because people are inherently selfish, but a few mostly give. Most of us do both and can only hope we push or give a little more than we take. I know I've done both give and take.

You give good advice. It reminded me of something I've concluded since I been over here; generally, people take most shit WAY too seriously.

[tom]

Side note: I've only recently realized that it is possible to give too much.

[Ojo Rojo]

And Tom, you should listen to your wonderful wife when she tells you to unchain yourself from your desk at work and spend more time at home.

[tom]

Tom still at work. TOM HUNGRY.