Cursed With Ambition

Freakonomics

The GF hooked me up recently with a book called Freakonomics.  It's a sort of pop economics book that I'm pretty sure is scorned by the highbrow economics intellectuals.  Nonetheless, I've always been fascinated by economics - well, not always but for a long time anyway.  Plus, my cynical/skeptical ass is always looking for the hidden agendas and incentives in everything.  For me, there's the given explanation, then there's the real explanation.  The book's main theme is "If morality represents how people would like the world to work, then economics shows how it actually does work."  So, I found this book especially interesting.  Plus, this book had a chapter about the importance of people's names entitled Perfect Parenting, Part II; or: Would a Roshanda by Any Other Name Smell as Sweet? So basically, if I were ever going to write a book about economics, well, someone has beaten me to it.

The book applies its main theme to some unlikely subjects:  cheating schoolteachers and sumo wrestlers, the KKK and real estate agents, the relationship between the drop in crime rates and legalized abortion and whether parents matter in the development and success of children.

The chapter on how the KKK and real estate agents are alike is about how secret information is vital to certain groups and without it, they completely lose their power.  I was immediately able to apply this to my current job search.  In the book, a man infiltrates the KKK during the height of the group's power and is privy to all of the secret handshakes, passwords, membership and vernacular.  He spills this information to the producers of a popular radio show who broadcast it.  In short order the KKK falls apart.  Likewise, real estate agents enjoy a monopoly on certain types of information useful to potential buyers and sellers of residential real estate.  Once the public has access to this information - say, through the internet - then real estate agents lose their advantage.  All professionals benefit from this "monopoly of knowledge" - doctors, lawyers, engineers.  But the difference between professionals is how long it would take an average person to acquire the same knowledge.  For example, I could spend several hours on the internet researching recent home sale prices in certain neighborhoods and gain roughly the same level of knowledge as a real estate agent on the topic.  However, if I was having chest pain, I wouldn't be able to learn quickly enough about atherosclerosis, or any of the myriad other diseases where chest pain was a symptom, to do myself any good.  Thus, I may be able to reduce or cut out altogether the expense of a real estate agent, but I would be foolish not to pay for the services of a physician.

We law grads who are entering the legal job market are at a similar disadvantage:  the firms have access to all of the market information while we do not.  Check that - all firms except for big firms, who divulge every bit of information through sources like NALP.  NALP does have some limited information for mid-sized and small firms, but it is not market specific.  You would think that the career resources offices at law schools, whose students pay for their services, would compile this information so that grads could enter salary negotiations armed with adequate information.  For whatever reason, at my school at least, this information was not adequately gathered or made available.  I found out what little they did have, which I have previously posted on this blog, and had to ask for it.  More useful to me was information that I got from an HR director at a mid-sized local firm.  An attorney I work with put me in contact with her and the information I got turned out to be the most useful I had.  (Incidentally, her numbers were actually fairly consistent with those of the STCL CRC.)  Without that contact, which most people don't have, I would've been stumbling in the dark.

So why am I spending so much effort on salary information?  It's not because I am obsessed with money.  Don't get me wrong, I want to make sure I get a good deal.  But more importantly, I want to spread the information I've gotten so that other grads won't get screwed by firms who can take advantage of them because they simply don't have good information.  Translation:  I'm a muff-diving commie pinko fuckstick who's fighting against the man on behalf of the proletariat.

Ojo Rojo, Zen Master

I was in Austin last weekend for the twofold purpose of visiting the GF and extending the job hunt war to two fronts.  I went for a long run on Sunday on the trails around Town Lake.  I was finishing up my run and cresting the final short hill before I got to my truck when I heard my truck's alarm go off.  I was already nervous about leaving my truck there because I had left my wallet, keys (other than the truck key) and my iPod in the center console.  Normally I would have been running with the iPod, but the battery had died so I stowed it.  I strained to see my truck from 75 yards away.  I couldn't see anyone around it but I started running faster anyway.  When I got a little closer I could see a car pulling out of a parking space behind my truck.  I bolted for the car, which was turning in the middle of the street and heading for the major thoroughfare nearby.  I sprinted the final 40 yards and scanned my truck for broken windows or damage.  Right about that time a woman two cars behind mine poked her head out of her window and hollered, "Hey!  That guy just hit your car!"  The guy who'd hit me wasn't actually running off.  He was turning around to get another parking spot on the other side of the street.  His window was down so I looked straight at him and asked loudly, "Did you just hit my truck?"  "Yeah, I hit it," he said, "But I didn't do any damage."  He turned off his car and got out.  I'll be the judge of that I thought as I went around to the rear of my truck.  I looked at the tailgate and the bumper.  I know every dent and scratch on my truck.  A few months ago I backed into a steel guardrail at the dry cleaners', so the bumper and part of the fender were already dinged.  But I could plainly see a new dent, thin and not very deep, but there.  It ran about six inches and longways.  "There's a new dent here on my bumper," I told the guy as he stood by his car.  He appeared to be about 5'6 and early 50's.  He was dressed in jogging clothes.  He wasn't belligerent or anything, but he clearly didn't think he had damaged my car.  He kept saying that he'd only hit the trailer hitch, which extends out from the bumper several inches.  And I kept responding that there was a new dent in my bumper.  A dent that appeared at roughly the same time as the alarm on my truck sounded, a woman cried out that he'd hit me and right after he had admitting to hitting me.  I asked him as sarcastically as I could if he thought this was a coincidence.  We then went over to his car where he claimed he would be able to prove that he didn't cause the new dent.  His car was some mid-90's model Ford Tempo or something that had at least half a dozen dents and scuffs across the front bumper.  He pointed out, "This dent was already here and so was this one."  I looked at him and then pointed to his bumper, "Well what about this?  Was this already here?  Or this one?"  "Well, um..." was all he could muster before I cut him off again.  "Look man, you are asking me to take your word the same as I'm asking you to take my word that I've got a new dent on my bumper.  Given the circumstances I'm just not willing to do that."  He knew I had the upper hand but I wasn't ready to let it go just yet because the guy was still trying to dismiss this situation and I wanted him to acknowledge that he had just fucked me over in a small way.  We went back and forth a couple more times before I told him, "Look, I don't know what we can do about this.  I am convinced that you just damaged my vehicle and you say you didn't."  "Well," he says, "I could give you my information and everything..."  I was now satisfied.  He'd made a concession.  So I told him, "Well, the damage is pretty slight and the bumper was damaged already and I'm not going to call the cops or make an insurance claim or anything over something this small so I'm just going to drop it."  He said okay and we both stood there dumbly looking at each other not sure what to do next.  So I just got in my truck and drove away and he started jogging toward the head of the trail.

I thought a lot about the whole episode on the drive home.  I felt bad because I'd been pretty harsh with the guy and he obviously had meant no harm and seemed like an otherwise nice guy.  I basically backed him down and forced him to admit that I had him over a barrel before I would concede.  The more I thought about it the more I realized that the reason I reacted that way was because I feel victimized on a day to day basis.  If it's not Wells Fargo trying to fuck me out of my money by charging $250 in overdraft fees for being $7.89 overdrawn after they don't post my paycheck for four days but do post drafts immediately, then it's Sprint disguising their rate plans so that if you go for what appears to be the cheapest option you really end up paying twice as much.  If it's not them it's a tow truck company or the government.  Two potential employers are trying to get me to accept jobs at well below the market rate.  It costs me fifty fucking dollars to fill up my goddamned truck while Exxon publishes $8 billion dollar profits for the quarter.  I had subconsciously arrived at the fact that the whole fucking world is full of predators and parasites and in order to survive I've got to become one too.

This got me to thinking that everyone in the world isn't a predator or a parasite so there must be two kinds of people in the world:  givers and takers.  All sexual inferences aside, what this means is that some people give more to the world than they take and others take more than they give.  Ideally there would be more givers than takers.

What I should've done in the car-bump situation is chuckle and joke with an exaggerated and playful, "Ooooopps!"  He might've said, "Yeah, sorry 'bout that."  To which I should've replied, "Don't worry about it man, my bumper was already messed up.  Have a good run."

Give more than you take.  Don't allow your first reaction to be anger.  You are only a victim if you think you are.  Be nice.  Be friendly.  Be kind.  Laugh about things.

And if none of this shit works, I hear opium is pretty cool.

Law Job Negotiating Fuel

One of the attorneys I work for put me in touch with the HR person from his previous firm yesterday.  This person has been in the HR game for a long time, has worked for several different firms during that span and really knows her shit.  Apparently, HR people have access to databases or websites or something where they all contribute and get information.  She agreed to share this information with me; now I'm sharing it with you.

2005 (for 2004 grads) Salary Ranges by Firm Size in Houston, TX

1-14 Attorneys:  $70-80K

15-29 Attorneys:  $85K

30-50 Attorneys:  $105K

In addition, standard compensation packages include payment of bar dues, occupational taxes, medical insurance and parking.  Dental insurance is not uncommon.

So there you go. 

A couple of additional points:  1.  The numbers for 2005 grads are coming out on Monday and my source is supposed to email them to me.  If she does, I will post them.  2.  Why in the fuck doesn't Reggie at STCL CRC have this information.  Hey dumbass!!  Why don't you call some fucking HR people and get some info.  Or better yet, why don't you pay the subscription to the same websites where they are getting their information?  Unbelievable.

All Roads Lead to CWA

Latest internet searches to turn up this blog:

1. How to clean a refrigerator with maggots
2. UNION CARBIDE CUTTING OIL
3. Rojo football
4. logophilia (from the UK MSN Search - I was #5!!)
5. Texas Armadillo Band  (I'm most proud of this one.)
6. Why do chest type freezers ice up  (from Ask.com)

!*@?*#&*! Job Search

By the Numbers:

• 604 - Litigation firms in Houston.
• 120 - Law firm who have received correspondence from me.
• 60 - Bucks spent on fancy paper and envelopes and another 30 or so on stamps.  (I'm partial to the Crops of the Americas stamps.)
• 42 - Hours invested on researching firms and editing, printing and mailing cover letters and resumes since September 1st.
• 32 - Pounds per square inch, which represents the average force of my butthole puckering.
• 18 - Months that the firm I currently work for waited to give me a permanent job offer.  Fuckers.
• 15 - Rejection letters or emails received as of today.
• 7.65 - Percent of your income that you pay for Social Security and Medicare
• 2 - Interviews
• 2 - Offers
• 1 - Girlfriend who really doesn't want to have to move from Austin
• 1 - Connection girlfriend made for me in Austin.  (Thanks Babe!!)
• 0 - Job offers accepted

So, yeah, this has already been a painful process.  Made no less so by the Career Services Office.  Thanks for nothing.  Assholes.  Anyway, for all those similiarly situated - I'm here to dispel ignorance by sharing what I have learned.  First: the feeding frenzy has definitely begun.  Not only have I gotten some play, others I know have as well.  Bottom line - if you haven't been getting out there, the time is NOW.  Use Symplicity, Lawcrossing and Martindale.  I've gotten one interview off of Symplicity and one from my mass mailing of resumes.  Second: 

Maybe everyone already has this, but if not, this information could help you in salary negotiations.  I don't know why this form is not included by the CRC in our exit packet, but it's not.  The more this info is known, the better.  So, here it is for what it's worth.  The only major problem here is that the salary information suffers from small sampling size.  I credit the CRC again.  Dumbfucks.  Anyway, to all those non-ivory tower (BigLaw) dwelling law grads in the Houston market out there - you are not alone.

Download stcl_salaries_05.PDF

Ojo's Separation Saturday Recap

On Texas' win over Rice:

1. Snore.  Rice was completely overmatched physically and in basically every other way as well.  Score could've been much, much worse.
2. I was surprised that Major Applewhite's offense didn't perform better.  They just don't have the kids.
3. UT had WAY too many penalties.  It was the biggest negative of the game.  Nearly 150 yards worth.  Horrible.  I can understand how this can happen - letdown week after loss to OSU, Rice is very weak opponent, down about chances of getting into National Championship game - so I don't think it's time to sound the alarm.  Still, this would cost them a game against a better opponent.
4. Jermichael Finley needs to improve bigtime or the coaches should shelf his ass.  He had at least three penalties and one dropped pass this game.  He had two drops against Ohio State.  Not good enough.  This guy has the chance to be really good but he's got to catch the fuckin' ball when they throw it to him and stop committing stupid penalties.
5. I don't understand why in a game like this we don't work on an obvious weakness of our offense - the passing game.  We know we can run the ball.  We've got one of the best tandems of running backs in the country.  Both QB's have shown mobility.  So let's work on the passing game.  No receiver had more than one catch in the game.  We only threw eleven times.  ELEVEN!!  McCoy only threw eight times!  Once we had salted away the game in the first quarter we should have passed every time.  Boggles the mind.

On other games:

1. OU got totally doinked in their game against Oregon.  Not one, but two blown replay calls.  It's very hard to understand how everyone in the country who was watching the telecast could plainly see the correct call while the motard in the replay booth gets it wrong.  I thought Stoops handled it with grace.  OU was fucked this season anyway.  They rely too heavily on Peterson.  Plus, Peterson has way too big a role on this team in general.  The coaches let him call his own number on offensive plays - this should never happen.  He doesn't protect himself on the field and thinks he's invincible.  He's not.  He's going to get injured and miss some games this year.  And if he keeps playing like he does, he's going to have a very short career.
2. I didn't see the Auburn/LSU game but it appears the officials botched that call too.  Sounds like the play was much more complicated than in the OU fuckups, but still, you hate to see a game decided by poor officiating.
3. Notre Dame looked horrible against Michigan.  They are out of the national title picture and Quinn is out of the Heisman race.  I'll go ahead and say this now:  I don't like Weis.  Basically I don't like really fat coaches.  Weis, Friedgen and Mangino simply can't be taken seriously as fat as they are.  Weis' haircut only underscores the fact that he can't be taken seriously.  I saw a piece on him during College Gameday that was supposed to be about his motivational skills.  The footage showed him walking around the practice facility throwing barbs and insults at the players.  Motivation?  I was horrified.
4. Louisville is fo' real.  Stomping that mudhole in Miami's ass solidified their status.  Their season hinges on the showdown with WVa on Nov. 2.  Hope that kid Brohm makes it back.  Hard to imagine that they could lose their top two offensive players and still be successful.

National Championship Picture:

1. Ohio State plays Penn State in the only good game this week.  OSU will prolly win.  They play Michigan at the end so one of those teams will be out.
2. Auburn, Florida and Georgia all play one another.  Hard to believe that any of them will escape without a loss.
3. USC could easily run the table with only a 3-week run of at-home games against Oregon, Cal and Notre Dame standing in their way.
4. West Virginia is still my pick for one half of the National Title game.  Even though Louisville is going to be a really tough game, I still think they win.  And Slaton (my preseason pick mind you) wins the Heisman.
5. Texas could go if everyone above them loses.  If there's a crowd of one-loss teams at the top, Texas might emerge depending on BCS calculations.
6. My projection:  Ohio State vs. West Virginia.

Law Job Feeding Frenzy

FYI:  To all those July '06 Bar Examinees:  if you are looking for a legal job, now is the time.

The Fall feeding frenzy that most of us have heard about has begun.  It still baffles me why Reggie and his merry band of idiots at the CRC didn't educate us on this part of the process.  This despite the fact that I estimate 85% of May grads get their jobs during this period.

Anyway, I've been monitoring Lawcrossing and Symplicity for weeks and applying for any job that seems remotely interesting.  I've also been mass-mailing resumes with cover letters to all of the firms listed on Martindale after narrowing down the search by practice area.  Both have produced modest results so far.  It pays to actually visit the websites for many of these firms, especially medium-sized to large ones, because often they will allow applications by email with an attached resume.  Saves on the expensive resume paper, envelopes, $.39 stamps, hassle and it's speedier.  Click on any 'careers' or 'employment' tabs on the site and it will usually tell you how best to apply.  This tab also contains the HR person's or hiring partner's name as well, which you'll need for your cover letters.

I hope I'm not punking myself by flooding my potential employers with applications from you all, but WTF - this is all crap that is already known anyway.

New Feature Enabled

I've been asked to provide the ability to receive emails whenever there's a new post on this blog.  I have complied with the request.  On the bottom right of the page is a place for you to enter your email address.  I can't tell whether you will receive an email every time there's a new post or if you get a daily email listing the most recent posts.  I hope it's the former.  Anyone who does this will have to let me know how they like it.  I may be able to tweak it if it doesn't work the way I want it to.

A certain "lurker" will now be happy.

Lurker - A person who consistently reads a blog but who never makes his/her presence known by way of comments.

Coogfest

So yesterday evening I met Billy out for happy hour with a bunch of other people he knows from the DA's office.  There were young prosecutors, old prosecutors, soon-to-be prosecutors, secretaries, court reporters and friends of them all.  I have recently learned, last night being the final confirmation, that court reporters are to the legal community what stewardesses are to the airline industry.  The hierarchy of trashiness would go something like:

1. Prostitutes
2. Strippers
3. Waitresses at strip clubs
4. Hooters waitresses
5. Other sports bar waitresses
6. Airline stewardesses
7. Court reporters

Nearly every court reporter I've seen is 40-50ish and you can tell that 20 years ago they were hot.  They don't look too bad even now; but if any normal dude from 25-35 were asked if they would, there would be some hesitation and probably about 50/50 yes/no.  In a word, they're cougars.  There was no shortage of them last night.  It was like these women travelled in packs looking for dens of young lawyers in hopes of snaggin the newest young hotshot.  They were like vultures.  I kept getting told how cute I was and what pretty eyelashes I have.  I heard felatio comments that felt inappropriate coming from someone who was nearly old enough to be my mother.  I could just feel their eyes on my ass every time I went to the can.

I managed to fight them off without being rude or offensive, but I still felt unclean when I left.

*props to Tom for prognosticating and for introducing me to the term "cougar."

OSU 24, UT 7

Here's the list of reasons the Longhorns lost to the Buckeyes in rank order:

1. VY chose to enter the NFL draft.  Had he stayed (incidentally I don't blame him for going) we'd be talking right now about how slow and foolish he made Laurinaitis look.  We'd also be talking about a no-contest Heisman race.
2. Tarell Brown's special brand of stupidity.  He may be contrite and set on the path of the straight and narrow now, but his absence had a devastating ripple effect that nobody (except me) seemed to give enough credence to before the game.  First, the talent, size and experience dropoff to Foster was much, much larger than anyone thought.  He was out of position and a step behind all night.  Plus, Foster matched up on Gonzales most of the night.  Gonzales was their leading receiver.  Coincidence?  Second, Chizik changed to a zone defense for this game to compensate for the loss of Brown because he knew we could no longer match up one on one.  This allowed receivers to get space, especially underneath.  Hence, Anthony Gonzales rolled up 122 yards in the first half.  Third, because of the zone, we had to drop linebackers into coverage more often and could not blitz the QB.  There wasn't much pressure on Smith at all; except when we blitzed.  Our D-linemen were neutralized as far as the pass rush.  With as much time as Smith had to throw, Gary fuckin' Hogeboom could've picked us apart.  Plus, with Kelson and Kindle out with injuries, the linebacking corps was already weakened.  Fourth, the whole gun/weed episode cast a pall on the whole situation.  I don't care what Mack Brown or anyone else said about it, these arrests affected the team's morale.  The fact that Akina, Chizik and Brown took so long to name the new starter indicated to me that none of the options were very good.  It turned out to be true.  So, thank you Tarell Brown.  There are hundreds of thousands of people whose happiness turns on the Horns' win/loss column.  You let them all down because you couldn't leave the guns and weed alone for a few months of the year, let alone for the four years of your life where what you do actually matters.  Seriously, thanks.  Dumbfuck.
3. Greg Davis.  I really hate to beat this drum.  Again.  But, Mack Brown's loyalty to Davis has cost us so much, possibly including a National Championship this year.  The best thing that could happen is for some desperate school to hire Davis as a head coach so that he will leave without Brown having to fire him.  Except that no one would ever hire him to be a head coach because he fucking sucks goat scrote.  Any success Davis ever had has resulted solely from the level of talent of his players.  This game's brilliant offensive gameplan featured virtually no downfield passes (I assume for fear of an interception that would have destroyed the QB's confidence a-la Simms) and every Horn fan's least favorite play, the horizontal pass.  McCoy played great last week - why not give him a chance to win the game?  Our group of receivers is one of the strengths of the team.  Playing to strengths is one way to win games.  With our weakened defense (Tarell Brown, injuries to Kelson and Kindle) you had to figure that OSU was going to score some points.  To overcome that, we needed to lean less on the defense and more on the offense.  The "ball control/solid defense" blueprint was not going to work this game.  And it didn't.
4. That shit on Mack Brown's lip.  Seriously, what was that?  Pimple?  Herpes?  Did he get hit?  I mean it wasn't like Frank Beamer or anything, but it's just one of those small indicators that things simply aren't going your way.  It's gotta suck to have a blemish like that when you know you're going to be on national television in front of hundreds of millions of peopl.

Other observations:

• Colt McCoy did not lose the game.  He also, however, did not win it for us.  This was mostly because Greg Davis did not put him in a position to do so.  The jury's still out on this guy.  McCoy that is, we know Davis sucks.
• We need to get the ball to Quan more often.  Do you think we could install an end-around or a reverse for him?
• Zero passes caught by tight ends.  Zero.  If you want to go with easy, consistent passes, why not throw to the tight end?  Jermichael Finley is supposed to be a badass.  Let him be one.  Pretty please.  With a fuckin' cherry on top.
• The tailgate party scene before the game was unlike anything I've ever scene.  Total mayhem.  It was awesome.