This is the first in a series of humorous explanations...
A few weeks ago Billy and I were out having a few beers at this redneck bar called Blanco's (The Broken Spoke of River Oaks). Well, a few beers turned into a lot of beers and before you know it we were ranting about Mermaids. We decided the thing to do right then was some "recon" work to assess the true availability of talent to staff my club. So, we headed off to Treasures. We weren't there for 30 seconds before Billy started telling all of the strippers that I was a hot young lawyer who was looking to invest some of my latest plaintiff's verdict in "the ultimate themed gentleman's club in Texas." Before you know it, rumor had spread and there was a line of strippers waiting to talk to the "young millionaire who was paying top dollar for topless talent." It seemed everyone wanted to be a mermaid.
Well, I played to the crowd, of course. I talked up the concept in marketing terms like some savvy entreprenuer, describing Mermaids as if it was the latest bluechip stock. I must have talked to fifteen strippers, giving them all the same schpiel as they sat two-at-a-time on my lap. (Of course we had to pause about every fifteen minutes or so for them to give me a lap dance - the manager would have gotten mad if they were sitting on my lap just talking to me. Talking is free in a strip club.) The conversations were all the same and went something like this:
Ojo Rojo: "...but the real hook, the draw, if you will, besides you beautiful ladies of course, is the huge aquarium in the middle of the club where the mermaids will be. Now that's a spectacle! Men will come from all over the state, hell, the country, to see real mermaids!!"
Sable: "How do the mermaids breathe underwater though?"
Ojo Rojo: "Well the mermaids don't have to be under the water the whole time. They will be able to come to the surface for air and there will be a shallow end or a rock or something where they can lounge."
Amber: (sorry ambs, that was her name) "How do you make tips as a mermaid?"
Ojo Rojo: "We have these gold tokens that guys can buy for ten bucks each. The tokens will have Poseidon with a trident on one side, you know, the whole undersea theme. Anyway when the mermaid swims up to the guy standing outside the aquarium and does her thing, the guy tosses the token into the water wishing well style."
Amber: "Sounds so cool. What's a poh-side-un?"
Ojo Rojo: "Sweetie, that's not what's important. The important thing is that as a mermaid, you can expect to see hundreds of those gold tokens raining down on you every night at my club."
And so it went in fifteen minute intervals (between lap dances) as the night wore on.
Well, I had "interviewed" most of the strippers when this absolute knockout of a stripper comes up. She was svelte and had long reddish hair and was by far the best looking girl in the club that night. She smiled and sat down in a chair next to me. I was a little dumbstruck - she was that attractive. But, I did manage to say "Hi." She extended her hand and said, "I'm Ariel." Swear to God. I kept my composure enough to squeak out, "Nice to meet you Ariel."
So, we talked. I told her about Mermaids. She laughed. I think she knew the whole thing was a joke. She saw right through me. At the end of the conversation I violated my cardinal rule of never asking a stripper out and I asked if I could call her. She smiled and wrote down her number. Right before she walked away she leaned close and whispered in my ear, "If you ever build your club with the giant aquarium, I'll swim around in it and be your guppy."
The rest, as they say, is history.
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