Cursed With Ambition

The Seal's Been Broken

I wasn't sure how I felt about having photographs as a part of CWA, but since my brother broke the seal I'm gonna go for it.

So, here's some pictures that I uploaded on flickr. They're from a disposable black-and-white camera that I finally used up.

Posting pictures is more fun than I though it would be so I'll probably keep it up.

That is all.

Two Chicks at the Same Time

Peter:  Hey Lawrence.  What would you do if you had a million dollars?

Lawrence:  I'll tell you what I'd do;

Lawrence takes a sip of beer then looks at Peter - very serious

Lawrence:  Two chicks at the same time man.

Peter:  That's it?  If you had a million dollars you'd have sex with two women at the same time?

Lawrence:  Damn right.  I've always wanted to do that man.  And I bet if I was a millionaire, I could hook that up 'cuz chicks dig dudes with money.

Peter:  Not all chicks.

Lawrence:  Yeah, but the type of chicks who would double up on a dude like me do.

Peter:  You might have a point.

You know, for most guys, the menage is the ultimate.  Not for me though.  I mean, think about it - if you're a dude who's an unselfish lover and you care about female orgasm - this could turn out to be a lot of work.  Seriously, a male orgasm is a forgone conclusion; a female orgasm is an achievement.  It's hard enough to get one girl off, let alone two at the same time.  I suppose in the right context it would be different; like if you were with two strippers in Vegas or something.  But how often does that happen?  (Unless you're Mike Lassaude.)

*  above lifted from Mike Judge's script "Office Space".  Credit given where credit is due and shit.

The Sudanese Are Pretty Dumb

So I read the story about how some Sudanese officials roughed up a reporter who was part of Condi Rice's entourage.  Turns out, the reporter who got pushed around was Andrea Mitchell, an NBC correspondent.  And Andrea Mitchell is Alan Greenspan's fucking wife!!

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that one person's wife who you don't want to fuck with is Alan Greenspan's.  He is a very powerful dude and he is probably capable of dialing up somebody at the Pentagon and ordering up one smoldering hole in Sudan.

Can't you just hear the Sudanese officials who were responsible when they found out that the reporter that they physically threw out of the room was married to the Chairman of the Federal Reserve?

Sudanese Security Official:  "Uh, sir, we just received confirmation that the reporter we just physically removed from the room is the wife of the Chairman of the Federal Reserve."

Sudanese Cabinet Member:  "Oh shit!  We'd better act fast to repair our diplomatic relationship.  Would the U.S. consider it an adequate apology if we executed several hundred Janjaweed rebels?"

Sudanese Security Official:  "According to our head of diplomatic relations, only a small area in the rural south of the U.S. would react favorably to a Janjaweed massacre.  The D.C. types not so much."

Sudanese Cabinet Member:  "Damn.  What about if we let our women take off their burkas without threat of being stoned as a sign of improved rights of women in our country?"

Sudanese Security Official:  "Hmmm.  The current administration does not seem to change foreign policy based on humanitarian issues, only energy.  Why don't we give one of their oil companies the exclusive rights to drill in our coastal waters instead?"

Sudanese Cabinet Member:  "Done."

He Sure Does Have a Purty Mouf

This story is really too much.

It's really too easy to insert Deliverance jokes or statements about "Fucked up grills," so I'll just leave it alone.

Toil and Trouble

Well, the new firm runs a much tighter ship so posting while at work may come to a screeching-ass halt.

In fact, I'd like to give a shout out at this time to Mark and Marcus, the IT guys at the firm.  They can look in on what everybody is doing on their computers at any given time and can and do restrict some internet sites from access altogether.  They are cool and hard-working guys and I won't blame them when they start restricting my internet access.  Although, just for the record fellas, I only abuse the internet (non-work purposes) for a total of about 20 min./day.  Plus too, happiness leads to productivity and blogging is therapeutic.  (I don't really expect you to believe any of that last line.)

I've already gotten emails from the managing partner telling me to give my security card back (they're only for attorneys and key staff members).  As I am the lowest of the low - a law clerk- I don't qualify, despite my arguments that I need to get into the office after hours and on weekends to do work!  The argument was unpersuasive.  I'm also getting chastised for using capital letters in my billing descriptions and not clocking in on my computer as well as the timeclock.  Why the redundancy I dunno.

So anyway, welcome to big(ger)-friggin-firm life CWA!

Words I've Eaten

(Notice the shortness of this list.)

1. "Education is worthless.  What have I learned in school that wasn't either common sense or something I could/would have learned on my own?  They line you up to give you some piece of paper that is supposed to mean that you know something - but it doesn't mean shit other than you did the time!!"
2. "I'm done with women.  They don't provide anything I want or need."
3. "I will never drink again - ever."
4. "I will never smoke another cigarette as long as I live."
5. "The internet is a farce."

Dating Skills

Me:  "So what are you doing later on?"

Girl:  "I don't know.  Probably just going home.  What're you doing?"

Me:  "I'm going to the gym and then home."

Girl:  "Oh.  Ok."

Me:  "Well, hey, how about I call you when I get home?"

Girl:  (Face lighting up.)  "Ok.  That would be good."

Me:  "Ok, well, hey, let me get your number in my phone before it drops out of the call history."

Girl:  (Scowling.)  "Boy, you sure know how to make a girl feel special."

Me:  (Face fallen.)  "Er...uh...yeah, sorry 'bout that."

Man, I suck at this.

NASA Shuttle Launch

Today you should all pray or hope or do whatever it is you do when you want something good to happen.  NASA ends the 2-1/2 year grounding of the space shuttle today when they return to flight and launch the Space Shuttle Discovery this afternoon.  I shudder to think of what would happen to the space program if there is another disaster.

I think space exploration is one of the greatest and most important things that the U.S. government does.  I think the astronauts are heroes who put their lives on the line and sometimes pay the ultimate price, willingly, for the advancement of the human race.

Living in "Space City," NASA is in the news a lot.  Yesterday's Houston Chronicle articles were a good example.

So, I'll be thinking about the crew and their families and all of the people at NASA today.  I sure hope everything goes off smoothly.  I don't want the failures of NASA to allow the space program to become politically unpopular so that we can fuck around invading more earthbound dumbshit-fundamentalist-religious-zealot-supporting regimes in countries that have high stocks of fossil fuels.

Busted

My smoking schedule is probably very similar to a lot of people's. I smoke a cigarette in my car on the way to work in the morning, another at 10 after my last cup of coffee, one after lunch, another at 3 and one in the car on the way home from work. How many cigarettes I smoke in the evening and at night totally depends on what I'm doing. If I work out and run I may smoke one or two before I go to bed. If I'm drinking and talking on the phone I may smoke as many as five.

Today, I was smoking the 3pm cigarette down in the smoking area of my building downtown. It really is a dreary place - the designated smoking area is on the ground floor of a cement parking garage. The building managers installed a few wooden benches with the trash cans with the kitty litter trays on top nearby. Parking garages, especially the stairwells, are among the dreariest places in urban life. Normally a smoke break is a chance to think about something other than what I've been concentrating on for the last couple of hours. But mostly it's just about habit and getting the nicotine. Ideally a smoke break would take place outdoors, with a view of trees, or a fountain or at least people walking by. But the way my workplace is set up, smoke breaks are all about the routine nic-fix.

Anyway, I was on the 3pm smoke break and the attorney I work for came back to our building from a deposition or something and passed by the smoking area from where he parks. He saw me. He's like 72 years old and I have a lot of respect for the guy. He's very well-respected in the legal community and he's really a grandfatherly old lawyer. I went cold when he saw me because I was pretty sure he didn't know that I smoked or took smoke breaks. I felt like I got busted smoking crack. I mean, it's not like I was doing anything wrong, technically. But it just made me feel shitty because I want him to think highly of me and all.

Just goes to show that I'm aware of the stigma that surrounds smoking. It's almost become some kind of hidden, back room kind of thing that you only do with your closest friends or in some smoke-filled bar. It's a far cry from generations past where people openly revelled in smoking. Makes the case for quitting smoking that much better - I mean who wants to lose respect by being some kind of unclean outlier?

Say Uncle

It's official.  I'm an uncle!

My brother's wife gave birth to Josephine Star yesterday, July 11th at around 8:30pm.  She weighed 8lbs. 7oz. and both baby and mother are doing fine.

Josephine is the name of my great grandmother on my mother's side.  She was somewhat of a family icon and was known as "Phenie."  My brother says that's what he's going to call his daughter.  I haven't decided what I'll call her yet - I'll wait to see what her personality is like first.  I've considered calling her by her full name "Josephine," or maybe shorten it to "Josie," or go along with "Phenie."  We'll see.  I'm kinda weird about names - I don't think people take them seriously enough.  But, I do like my brother's choice.

So, now what?  Funny thing is, I feel like I've got some responsibilities now too.  I've got to look out for the kid, help my brother and his wife out and  be a role model. 

Guess I've got to grow up.

Dammit.